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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/JupiterBORU on 2024-08-06 21:38:59+00:00.
I am NOT OOP. Original post by u/Candid-Spot-5015 in r/TrueOffMyChest, r/AITAH and r/u_Candid-Spot-5015
Trigger warnings Foster care abandonment, financial exploitation, emotional distress, mentions of abuse
EDIT: There have been some comments so I will address, I originally posted this with all info included. As some of you have noticed this post doesn’t include some posts/information. That’s because I was asked by the OOP to remove certain things so I’ve edited it down. And why there’s no input from Jamie anymore.
My foster family of 11 years is kicking me out by the end of the week. I have no where to go and I feel broken.
I (18M) was told earlier today that I need to pack up and leave by the end of the week. I still feel in shock.
I was removed from my biological family when I was 7 due to issues with my parents, I was then placed in foster care and then matched with a couple who I will call the ‘Peters’ (it’s not their real name, no matter how much I actually want to blast their real info I won’t). The Peters were always really nice to me, and since I moved in when I was pretty young after a while I started to consider them my parents. I called them ‘mum’ and ‘dad’. Treated them as my parents, treated their biological son as my brother.
I wasn’t their only foster child, they also have a 9 year old boy who has lived with us for a little over a year. I was never adopted by them, I know why because they live off the fostering allowance. Something that never really bothered me, they told me that it didn’t matter and that legality didn’t make us a family. Which I believed. I went on their agency website earlier today and I found out that they are getting paid at least £2400 for me per month. Or at least they were. Since I turned 18 they stopped getting the allowance.
However they applied for a staying put arrangement for me, which meant they would continue getting paid something as they continue to support me and let me live with them. It wasn’t as much, I think it was like £1000 per month. They told me they had it approved until I was 21, so I thought I’d be able to stay at least until I finished Uni.
They sat me down today and told me I had to leave. They told me that fostering is a business and that they couldn’t afford to keep me on just the stay put arrangement allowance. They told me I had until the end of the week. 4 days. How generous of them. They said they need my room because they want to get a new foster placement. They literally told me it’s ‘not personal’. Like that makes me feel any fucking better. They said they would still consider me ‘like a son’, not ‘their son’ anymore. ‘Like a son’ And that they want to ‘keep in touch’. What a joke.
They choose to kick me out. An 18 year old with no job. No income. No nothing. About to start university. Yet their bio-son who is 25 gets to stay?
So yeah. I guess fuck me right? I’m just the one no one ever wanted. I guess I wasn’t ever truly part of their family.
Relevant comments
Accomplished-Emu-591
I am sorry for your situation. However, you should contact the agency that was paying them, tell them what they did, and ask for referrals to other organizations that can provide you assistance with finding employment and attending uni.
It is even possible that your report of their behavior would make them ineligible for further paid foster placement. Not likely, but possible.
NoAddress1159 responding to Accomplished-Emu-591
Calling your former social worker is 100% a great idea OP. Or going to citizens advice. There is plenty of support available to former foster children and they will help you find what you’re eligible for.
The part about reporting them, sadly there wouldn’t be anything legally wrong, or against any fostering practices for what they’re doing. As long as they don’t continue to claim on the staying put order, that is. In England fostering is generally treated more as a business than as something you do for love, as it is in the US. Which has its upsides and its downsides. Morally though, the peters are despicable people in my opinion.
JenninMiami
I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, many, many parents kick their biological kids out once they turn 18 too.
Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP) responding to JenninMiami
It doesn’t really if I’m honest
MouseAndLadybug
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, these are garbage people.
I’d be reporting them for fraud, they can’t accept money to have you stay there if you aren’t.
Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP) responding to MouseAndLadybug
They’ll probably cancel the staying put arrangement all together, so I don’t think they’ll continue to be paid for me after I leave. Though that is something I am 100% be checking in a few weeks.
SnooDonuts5498
Join the military- it’s a great place for a young man and you’ll have benefits the rest of your life.
Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP) responding to SnooDonuts5498
fuck off
PoeBoyFromPoeFamily
They’re doing it for the money. That is why.
It’s unfortunate and they sound horrid. I’m sorry, OP. I hope it all works out for you. Leaving will suck, but at least you won’t be surrounded by greedy leeches.
Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP) responding to PoeBoyFromPoeFamily
I thought they were my family. I’m genuinely considering going NC with them after I’m set up whatever I’ll end up next week.
kucky94 responding to Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP)
You absolutley should. You were 7 when you went into their care. They denied you the opportunity to find a real family who love you for you and not the $$ you brought in. Fuck them. You deserve better.
Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP) responding to kucky94
I doubt anyone would have adopted me. I wasn’t a great kid, in truth had more issues than a hospital piss pot. I wasn’t a great kid in any sense. But I changed. Genuinely I changed.
I can’t help but wonder if this is because of how I was as a young child.
naynay130318
I’m so sorry this has happened to you Honey, you must be feeling awful. Do you have a care leavers personal advisor? Not sure which area you are in. They should be supporting you to find move on accommodation in a supported setting If needed or support you to approach your local housing office for support.
Without cause, your foster family cannot give you 4 days notice to leave, they would need to give formal notice which is usually about 4 weeks. It would be worth calling your children’s services duty / out of hours telephone number and explaining the situation, because it will be whoever is responsible( i.e the personal advisors) team who will be paying the staying put fees to the foster carers, so there is someone who is responsible and will need to provide immediate support to help you
X
Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP) responding to naynay130318
Yeah I’m meeting with him today. I’m going to tell him they’ve given me a verbal 4 day notice and that I need urgent help.
If I’m honest I don’t want to stay here anymore, the whole dynamic has changed and none of them even look me in the eyes now. But I’m not going to make myself homeless, so I’ll stay until I have accommodation and I’m not leaving the house until I do.
BrightAd306
It is awful, but if they counted on that money to make rent, they might not have much of a choice. I wouldn’t conduct myself that way, but not every foster couple is rich
Candid-Spot-5015 (OOP) responding to BrightAd306
They own their own home.
And just some quick maths for anyone interested:
I don’t know what package I was placed on because there’s a difference allowance for each package, but according to the fostering agency website the minimum was £2,400 for me, it goes to a maximum of 3,400 per month but I’ll estimate off the lowest. Mine obviously stopped but it would be the same for the 9M foster placement they have now.
So, 2,400x12= 28,800 per year. Plus my 12,000 per year from the staying put order. Gave them a nice 40,800 per year. Which they would pay little, if any tax on as fostering allowance is taxed very lightly here.
That maybe doesn’t sound a lot to Americans with your high wages, but the average post tax wage where I live is 23,985 per year.
They had enough I think.
Mini Update
Okay, thank you guys for all your advice.
Honestly I was in a state of …
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