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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-08-16 04:01:06+00:00.
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Puzzleheaded_Rip7075
Originally posted to r/amiwrong
My boyfriend shattered my phone because a homeless guy gave me a flower
Trigger Warnings: abuse, property damage
Original Post: August 3, 2024
my birthday was a couple of days ago and I haven’t spoken to him since, im heartbroken about this. I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed a group of homeless people. one of them said “here you go miss you since you’re the first woman who walked by” and gave me a (dead) flower. it was around 10 pm and my birthday was at midnight, so it kinda felt “special” to me. I said thank you so much and kept walking. my bf didn’t say anything so I didn’t think anything was wrong.
I took my phone to take a video of the flower and tell my friend what just happened and he tried taking my phone. I was laughing and asked what he’s doing and didn’t answer, just kept walking next to me. he looked a little annoyed but I still wanted to get a video with the flower so I pulled my phone out again. this time, he hit my hand really hard and made me drop my phone on the concrete. my phone screen is completely broken. luckily, it’s the screen protector but still, it’s all shattered. I screamed “why did you do that” and he took my flower and threw it on the road. he said that’s what I get for embarrassing him like that.
I was tearing up because 1. he broke my phone 2. he threw my flower away. 3. I couldn’t understand what I did wrong. he made me delete the video with the flower in front of him and we walked in silence the rest of the time. at home, I blew up at him, I was crying screaming asking him why he did that. literally an hour before my birthday. he said “how would you feel if a girl just came up to me in front of you to give me a flower?” I said “if it were the same homeless woman that you see almost everyday when you walk in your neighbourhood I wouldn’t mind”. (we have walked by this specific man plenty of times) he called me a liar then said I was manipulative to try to invalidate his feelings when I was blantaly disrespecting him in front of other men.
I don’t understand how it’s disrespectful, I wasn’t even going to keep the damn thing, it was a DEAD flower. I just thought it was cool because that had never happened to me, especially 2 hours before my birthday. he said a bunch of stuff, basically that I was an attention whore. I was sobbing, it was already my birthday and I felt like shit. we went to sleep without talking and the next morning he was gone. I had a brunch with my friends so I had my mind distracted for a couple of hours, but it was still in the back of my mind. I still don’t know who’s 100% in the wrong here, maybe I shouldn’t have accepted the flower, but I honestly saw it as an innocent thing. he still won’t talk to me, even his siblings wished me a happy birthday but he hasn’t yet. I don’t know what to do, I don’t wanna lose my boyfriend over a flower.
Relevant Comments
OOP responds to multiple comments on the fact her boyfriend is being abusive
OOP: okay this is honestly scaring me, I just cannot imagine him do those things to me. but I honestly am taking what you’re saying in consideration and im going to think about this entire relationship
I know it’s ridiculous to me, especially because we’ve walked past this guy so many times before. and the flower was literally half dead lol. I’m definitelyyyy considering breaking up with him, I just wanted someone to tell me where I was wrong, thank you so much!
I know, this honestly hurt me more than my phone being broken. he had NEVER called me names, ever. he also said I was a whore just like my “other little friends”. maybe he was just in the heat of the moment because he was REALLY angry, but idk I can’t stop thinking about that
Sugarpuff_Karma: Why are two children out alone at night?
OOP: we’re 22
SpareMushrooms: Yes….You do want to lose your boyfriend over a flower. There will not be a better excuse for you to separate yourself from this insecure maniac.
Update: August 7, 2024
last post:
hello everyone, thank you so so much for all the help. I broke up with him. to be honest, I still love him and I’m trying to cut all communication, because I know that if he contacts me again, I’ll most likely go back. I literally made a list of all the reasons why he sucks and I try to read it every time I wanna text him lol.
here’s the update: he surprised me with my favourite flowers and a letter. he wished me happy birthday and apologized for his reaction. he said he was being immature and it won’t happen again. he said we should work on communicating each other’s boundaries better. he also apologized for ghosting me for a few days, he said he just needed some time to cool down. not going to lie, I just wanted my boyfriend back, so I accepted the apology under the condition that he will NEVER do anything like that again. he swore on his life that he’ll never make me cry ever again.
I genuinely saw a shift in his personality, he was even better than when I first fell for him. like one time, we were cuddling and talking about our relationship. he literally started crying while professing his love to me. he said that he knows that sometimes he gets frustrated over little things, but it’s because he loves me so much and he’s terrified to lose me. he shared so many things about his past (he had never opened up to me before) so it really felt like the relationship grew stronger.
we went to the beach as a little birthday celebration for me with his friends. we were 6 in total and I was the only girl. 2 other girls were supposed to come too, but they had work. I didn’t know that until I asked one of the guys and he told me. long story short, he got mad at me for wearing a bikini. he was like “wtf do I look like having my girl walk around half-naked like a hoe in front everyone”. I reminded him that we’re at the beach and a lot of people wear bikinis at the beach. he said that it’s different because I’m the only girl here with 5 guys and it makes me look bad. I said I didn’t care and went back to everyone.
after a little while, he pulled me to the side again. he called me names, said that one of his friends obviously wants to fuck me but I’m too fucking dumb to see it. he said he overheard him(I don’t think this is true but idk). he was very angry, but also he had been drinking so it could explain his irrationalness. I started crying then went home because I didn’t want people to see me like that. he was being so weird, I don’t know why he was being agressive all of a sudden. like before the flower incident, he had never used that kind of language with me, especially in public. he came over that night to talk about what happened. I was so hurt; I honestly thought we had grown closer.
we both explained our side of the situation. I told him I wasn’t trying to get anyone’s attention by wearing a bikini and I can kind of understand his point of view bc was a little uncomfortable too being the only girl there. he said I could’ve put my clothes back on but I HAD TO stay in a bikini. he said I looked like “a hoe waiting to get fucked” when I was laying on my stomach tanning. I can’t really remember what he said after that, I was just so hurt. we were going in circles, so we decided to just go to bed. he then tried to initiate sex which just pissed me off. I said no every time.
I heard him say something about me being an annoying ass bitch under his breath and that was the last straw. I kicked him out and broke up with him. it wasn’t easy, he was crying and screaming the whole time. he even punched a wall in my room. I was terrified, I NEVER thought he could do that, we had never fought like that before. he finally left when I dialled 911 and threatened to call. I don’t know why I still love him so much, I “understand” his reactions, knowing his past and what he’s been through (and it’s a lot trust me). I know it’s not an excuse but it’s still an explanation right? anyway it’s over now, half of my stuff is still at his house, I don’t even wanna think about it right now.
he’s blocked, I am really trying to villainize him in my mind so I can move on, but it’s hard when all I can think of is the amazing moments we shared. like how he was crying in my arms telling me he loves me more than life, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend or the day he gave me a promise ring. maybe I did go wrong somewhere, it’s just so crazy to think that all of this could’ve been avoided if I hadn’t accepted the flower. also I am very aware that I’m dumb for thinking that he could change so quick, I just wanted my boyfriend back. thank you again everyone for the advice.
Relevant Comments
Bryanormike: You are wrong in the kind of person he is. He’s an abusive piece of garbage. He’ll manipulate you and say whatever he feels he needs to say to get you to stay but in reality he does not care about you.
No, his past isn’t an explanation nor an excuse…
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