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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Starry_Gecko on 2024-08-20 03:01:47+00:00.
I am NOT OP. That is u/Temporary_Tailor_787. She posted in r/AITAH.
Trigger Warning: ableism, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks
Mood Spoiler: frustrating
Original post - August 12, 2024
My (27F) wedding is coming up in a few months, and it’s supposed to be a big, elegant affair. My fiancé (29M) and I have been planning it for over a year, and we’ve spared no expense. The venue we chose is stunning but also very strict on rules, particularly regarding pets, due to its historical nature. They’ve made it clear that no animals are allowed on the property except for legitimate service animals.
Here’s where the issue comes in: My sister (25F) has severe anxiety and a psychiatric service dog, a Golden Retriever named Max, who helps her with panic attacks and other symptoms. Max is highly trained and well-behaved, but he’s still a dog, and the venue isn’t willing to make any exceptions.
When my sister found out about the no-dog policy, she was upset and assumed I would make a case to the venue for her and Max. The thing is, I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life, and I don’t want anything to go wrong. I’m worried that even though Max is a service dog, he could still cause some sort of issue or be a distraction. Also, I don’t want to start a fight with the venue that could risk our deposit or the entire booking.
So, I told her that while I would love to have her at the wedding, I can’t have Max there. I offered to arrange transportation and a pet sitter for Max nearby, so she could check on him whenever she wanted, but she said that wouldn’t work because she needs him with her at all times. She then said that if Max couldn’t come, she wouldn’t be able to attend, and now she’s not speaking to me.
My parents are furious and think I’m being heartless. They said I should be willing to do anything to have my sister there on my special day. Some of my friends agree, while others think my sister is being unreasonable for putting me in this position.
So, AITA for sticking to the venue’s rules and not letting my sister bring her service dog?
Relevant Comments:
“YTA. The venue does allow her dog, you are the one telling her not to bring him.”
Wow, I see you’re quick to judge without understanding the full situation. Maybe if you actually read what I wrote, you’d get that it’s not just about the venue allowing the dog. It’s about ME wanting MY day to be perfect without any distractions or added stress. I’ve put in way too much time, effort, and money into this wedding to let anything or anyone mess it up. If that makes me the bad guy in your eyes, then so be it. I just want everything to go smoothly on my wedding day.
“I hope none of your family shows up for your wedding. See how “perfect” the day is when your half is empty. YTA”
If my guest list ends up a little lighter, that’s just fewer people to deal with, honestly. My day will still be perfect because it’s about ME and MY future, not about catering to everyone else’s opinions. If someone doesn’t want to be there, then they’re not worth having in my life anyway. I’m not losing sleep over it, and I definitely won’t let anyone ruin my day. So keep hoping for my downfall—meanwhile, I’ll be walking down the aisle, unbothered.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was voted YTA based on the comments.
Update - August 13, 2024
Wow, I didn’t expect my original post to get as much like it did. I’ve gotten a lot of feedback—some of it helpful, most of it just… well, let’s just say it wasn’t what I was hoping for. But since so many people are invested in this situation, I figured I’d give an update.
First off, yes, I was pretty harsh in my responses to some of the comments. I won’t apologize for defending myself, but I do realize that I might have come off more aggressively than I intended. Planning a wedding is stressful, and I let that get the better of me. However, that doesn’t change how I feel about the situation with my sister and her service dog.
After thinking it over and talking with my fiancé, we’ve decided to stick with our original plan. My sister has been informed that if she wants to attend the wedding, she needs to do so without the dog. It wasn’t an easy conversation, and as expected, she wasn’t happy about it. My parents are upset, and a few family members have even threatened to boycott the wedding, but honestly, I’m okay with that. It’s our day, and we’ve made a decision that we believe is best for us.
I understand that a lot of people think I’m being unreasonable or selfish, but at the end of the day, this is my wedding. I’m not going to let anyone else dictate how it should go. If that means some people don’t show up or that others think I’m a “bridezilla,” then so be it. I’d rather have a smaller, more comfortable event than one where I’m stressed out and worrying about things going wrong.
To those who were supportive and offered constructive advice, thank you. And to everyone else who thinks I’m a terrible person—well, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
Relevant Comments:
“I’m so glad you’re not my sister. What a selfish piece of work! Your day or not, Max is still a trained service dog, which you stated the venue allowed. So, you are just being nasty at this point.”
You’re really quick to judge. U don’t know the first thing about me, my sister, or our relationship. But sure, go ahead and call me selfish and nasty if it makes you feel better. Funny how everyone thinks they’re an expert on someone else’s life after reading a few paragraphs online. Maybe focus on your own issues instead of acting all high and mighty here. My wedding, my rules—end of story. ❤️
“You presented two facts which make you unreasonable. The venue allows service dogs. Your sister has a service dog. We have to assume she has a service dog for a legitimate reason. You don’t want the dog there, the venue doesn’t have a problem with the service dog. Therefore, you’re being unreasonable. You could have just said, from the beginning as to eliminate the venue “you can’t have your dog at my wedding sis, even if they allow service animals.” Your wedding, your rules, but it probably would have gone a lot smoother if you’d have said that from the git-go!”
Oh, I was clear from the beginning, I don’t want the dog there, period. Whether the venue allows it or not doesn’t change the fact that it’s my wedding, and I get to decide what I’m comfortable with. If people think that’s unreasonable, then so be it. I’m not here to make everyone else happy, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. If my honesty rubs people the wrong way, that’s on them, not me.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.