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Trigger Warnings: homophobia; death threats; threats of violence; medical risk to an infant;

Mood Spoiler: sad but OOP will be ok

Original Post: August 18, 2024

I 25F and my best friend Emma f26 have been friends since elementary school and I honestly thought of her as a sister. We tell eachother everything, went to the same college and even though we have 2 different jobs we work in the same area.

Emma was my rock for years as I battled self-hate and depression due to growing up in a small conservative town as not only a person of color but a closeted lesbian. Emma did not know I was a lesbian just knew that I was unhappy. Never staying long in relationships, self-isolation and later I developed anorexia.

Emma was the one who suggested we go to an out of state college and later suggested we move out of state to. I’ve gotten much better since then and for that, I genuinely thank her.

Though about 2 years ago Emma contracted Herpes from some guy she slept with and it has been very hard for her to land a boyfriend since then and it’s made her very lonely. She hasn’t told her family or friends about it because she doesn’t want to be seen as “gross”.

Due to this I haven’t really put myself in the dating field and have put off coming out. Though about 6 months ago I met this girl at a craft store. Long curly hair, dressed in all black with big eyeliner and ruby lipstick. I couldn’t stop staring at her and I admit when she smiled at me I kind of followed her around the store (I know, creepy). I eventually worked up the courage to just ask her for her number and she gave it to me. I was so excited, I started texting her that night and since then, we have been hanging out a ton and I think she likes me back.

I was going to ask her out but since I live with Emma I decided I should come out since I will be bringing her around if the girl says yes.

So after work I sat her down and told her I was a lesbian. I said all the anguish I went through growing up was because of my self hate. How I wish I could have told her earlier but I never found the right time but now that I was in love with someone I felt like I should tell her. That she was the one person I trusted with this information.

She just stared at me shocked for a few seconds and then her face turned from shock to disgust. She jumped back and accused me of being a pervert and how I was gross for being around her so much knowing I was gay. Even mentioning how she’s gotten changed around me and I’m no better than some creepy man. I tried explaining I had no romantic feelings for her and I honestly had a crush on someone else. She wouldn’t buy it and locked herself in her room.

Later my phone started ringing off the hook and to my surprise it was tons of messages from my family and our friend group either calling me homophobic slurs or asking if it was true that I liked Emma. My mother even called to scream at me a few times and apparently I’m disowned.

I started banging on the door and told her why the hell she outed me to everyone and she just started calling me a pervert again. So I was like oh okay fine, you want to play? Fine.

I had a pic of her diagnosis and sent it to her parents and our friend group. According to the only friend who didn’t crap on me people are talking more about Emma than me because she still shares stuff even though she has herpes. Now they are grossed out and are accusing her of trying to “infect them with her diseases” along with some slut shaming.

Now I’m looking for a new apartment and I’m still planning to ask the girl out this week but I was told by Emma’s parents that I ruined her reputation and labeled their daughter as a “dirty h*e”.

I feel bad but I felt like she deserved it. Though I know that a disease and sexuality are 2 different things so I’m wondering if I was really wrong to do that.

Edit 1 (soon after the OG post)

Edit: since some had asked, I’ll make another edit tmmr, I’m asking her out tonight. I made reservations at this nice thai place she’s been wanting to try, then I’m going to take her to boardwalk and ask her out there as to not put her on the spot in front of a ton of people. See yall then, hope it goes well 🥲.

Edit 2: a few hours later

Edit 2: I’m about to go pick up ruby, a commenter has been calling my crush ruby and I think that’s pretty cute so that’s what I’m going to be referring to her as.

Anyway for some context since it was asked. Emma is staying with a family friend who lives around here because her parents don’t want us fighting. My lease is up soon and hopefully I’ve locked down something by then. At least I’ll be able to be alone now. Anyway wish me luck 😤

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: ESH, but you less than others. Emma is TA for outing you, and Emma’s family are AHs for saying contracting herpes makes her a dirty ho. You retaliated against Emma in a way that you knew would hurt her, which is perfectly understandable, but still an AH move. She blew up your life, though, and that’s not fair at all.

I know you’ll be ok. ❤️ Hearing slurs from your family and friends is terrible and I’m sorry that happened, but they’ve revealed themselves as AHs.

OOP: Honestly it was pretty surreal experience I thought maybe they’d be mad but completely disowning me, I’m happy I came out after my parents paid for my college because just wow.

Honestly I feel like I stooped down to her level by doing so, it kinda made me feel like I was deserving of the hate and that I didn’t deserve to be able to come out. Though I’m going to try to push through these thoughts and have a successful relationship.

Thank you so much for your kind words

In reply to a homophobic commenter (the commenter was heavily downvoted- I included it because I liked OOP’s response)

Um…I didn’t see her romantically and I was in the closet. There literally was no reason for me to be weird about it. I stated that she was essentially my sister, I’d never think of her that way.

Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m going to be attracted to every woman. Plus lesbians still use locker rooms with straight women and legit nothing happens. You make no sense.

Also I didn’t deliberately get into nothing, my parents were harassing me about not dating boys so when a boy asked me out I just said yes but broke up with them because I didn’t like leading them on.

It’s not about keeping appearances it was about safety, the things that were said to me, the threats I got. You can’t even imagine.

You have no idea what it’s like to be forced into a role and have no way of getting out. I only came out to her because I felt safe. Instead she put me in an unsafe situation put all my business is on the table WITH added lies.

Also I came to her saying I was in love with another woman, what told her that I was into her? Nothing, she just made it up.

Commenter: NTA, I find it very interesting that her first reaction was disgust about you possibly being attracted to her, which is so typically ignorant…She even told your friends that you’re into her, like how narcissistic is that? Newsflash, lesbians aren’t attracted to every women they see, and bisexuals aren’t attracted to everything.

OOP: Honestly that’s what surprised me the most, like the fact that she assumed I was crushing on her. I have never acted in that manner towards her. I feel like a lot of the flack I’m getting from family and friends is because she spinned some weird story to actually make me look like a creep. My friend who is still talking to me told me she said that she’s describing me as some locker room peeping Tom.

This doesn’t help that I was an athlete in highschool so I had to be in the locker room with other women. I can only imagine what’s being said about me.

Commenter: Soft NTA. Basically because you did the right thing for the wrong reasons. Sure, outing someone’s disease/health issues/whatever like that is generally a dick move, and granted I do have a soft spot for petty revenge and FAFO consequences, but… she still shares stuff

OOP: Yeah I kept trying to get her to stop sharing stuff with people but she said she’s on the medication so it’s okay. I don’t care though I keep all my cups and bowls in my room and my tooth brush. Not that I didn’t trust her but it only takes one mess up and she wasn’t taking anything seriously.

Commenter: What was Emma’s reaction to being outed as sexually active with an STI?

OOP: She called me a big ol B-word among other things. She also said she was glad she had herpes because I probably would have tried to r-word her. Genuinely insane. She’s staying at a relatives house who lives around here until our lease runs out.

Commenter (downvoted): ESH. Like the above poster said, you would’ve eventually came out. Serio…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1f1jpwj/aitah_for_telling_our_family_and_friends_that_my/

Aitah for telling our family and friends that my bestfriend has Herpes because she outed me as a lesbian

Aitah for telling our family and friends that my bestfriend has Herpes because she outed me as a lesbian

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