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Mood Spoiler: just kind of sad but OOP will be ok

Original Post: October 14, 2024

My father dropped a big bomb on our family last year when he revealed that he had a secret son from his affair years ago. After my mom found out and gave him the ultimatum, he cut things off with the mistress and she moved away until last year when she introduced him to their son Hank. I really don’t give a damn about his latent father instinct since he didn’t give his other family any consideration when he broke the news. Thank god my mom divorced him and now neither my brother Connor (M 18), sister Sophia (F 15), or I want anything to do with him anymore.

Here’s the thing though: We have a shared college fund that my mom’s parents set up for us when we were little. My parents contribute almost half of the money and my maternal grandparents contribute the other half. The account remains under my mom after the divorce. As far as I know, he stopped contributing to that account after the divorce.

Last month, I found out that my dad’s been harassing my mom because he wanted to add Hank as a beneficiary to the college fund for my siblings. He’s saying that Hank is his son and therefore entitled to the college fund that he set up for me, Connor, and Sophia.

My mom told him off and now he has been going around harassing her online and to their mutual acquaintances and friends, claiming that she is “heartless and cruel for taking her anger out on an innocent child.” And then, he also had the genius idea to reach out to me to put pressure on my mom. He said I should consider opening up my heart to Hank who grew up without a father and wasn’t set up in life like my siblings and me. I left him on read since honestly, the things I wanted to say to that callous evil monster may be too much.

Yesterday he changed tactics and now said he wanted to withdraw all his part of the money from the account, divided them to make sure Hank has his share and deposited the rest back into the account. (With the caveat that since Connor and I didn’t need to use the college fund for tuition since we both had fullride scholarships, the money would be divided into 2 parts- for Hank and Sophia, instead of into 4 parts for his 4 children).

And now him, some of my dad’s side of the family, and even the mistress are pressuring my mom to agree to that. And I’m praying that she won’t.

It physically makes me angry that we’re being asked to split our money with my dad’s affair child. Even if yes, I don’t need to use the money to pay for school, I will need it in the future. Same with Connor! And I know for a fact he would never use the same reasoning to exclude Connor and I from the fund just to have the money solely for Sophia in the same situation. It’s all for Hank.

I understand that Hank is innocent and not responsible for his parents’ actions but I don’t think of him as my brother. Hell, I don’t even think of my father as my father anymore to be honest. As far as I’m concerned, my family consists of me, my siblings, and my mom. That’s it.

So, AITA?

edit: I’m 23, Hank is 14

OOP’s Comments:

What type of fund:

Where I live, if the funds are unused due to scholarship, we can withdraw it and won’t be penalized. And I am considering getting a master so even if I didn’t have to pay for undergraduate, I probably will need it for grad school.

The fund is a state-sponsored savings plan. Sorry, I can’t give the actual name since it’s very specific to where we live.

Commenter: NTA at all. Where does your father get the idea that HE set up this fund when it was your grandparents on your mom’s side ? Do his family members know the whole story ?

OOP: Yeah, that man’s delusion is out of this world. His audacity is truly unmatched. My paternal grandparents know and support us. I know my grandma has been trying to get him to back off but he unfortunately doesn’t listen to her. It’s mainly my dad’s brothers who are joining him to harass my mom. I don’t know if they know the full story or not. Since grandma and grandpa know, I feel like they do too?

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): October 15, 2024 (Next Day)

Update: Thank you so much everyone for the support and advices. I really appreciate it.

I talked to my mom this morning about getting the lawyer involved and also about a potential restraining order. She has been talking to the lawyer about dad’s demands and it looks like he really doesn’t have any rights to it. I think some of you are correct that he is doing all this because he knows he won’t win in court.

As for a restraining order, mom is hesitant to do it right now since dad has visitation rights with Sophia and she doesn’t want to make it too complicated for my sister. But she promised me that if things get worse she will get one.

My brother Connor and I also talked and we will be taking turns coming home for the weekend so mom and Sophia won’t be alone just in case anything happens.

Some clarifications: We haven’t involved mom’s parents since their healths aren’t the best right now. Grandpa was really shocked when he heard about the cheating + secret son of dad that he had a heart attack. Thank God he mostly recovers now. However, none of us want to put stress on him.

According to dad, he never knew about Hank’s existence until last year when his mistress came back. Nobody in our family knew really until dad brought Hank to a family event to break the news to us. He blindsided and humiliated my mom and it was the final straw for her. They divorced after that.

I honestly don’t hate Hank. It’s just that right now I can’t imagine spending time with him. He’s a minor still so everything will have to involve either our father or his mother. And that is a no for me right now. Perhaps in the future, things will be different. Who knows.

Hopefully things get resolved soon. Thank you everyone again for the amazing advices and words of support.

AITA for not splitting my college fund with my dad's affair child?

AITA for not splitting my college fund with my dad's affair child?

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