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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Horror_Highlight32 on 2023-09-20 13:02:20.
My daughter “Ella” [26F] is a doctor. She works very hard and is very talented. She’s spent most of her life with her mother but took up a position at a hospital near me, and so moved in with me.
She doesn’t own a car at the moment but I’ve insured her to drive mine so she can use it to get to work.
Ella worked a lot of continuous 12 hour shifts, and finally got a day off today. She’s pretty exhausted, but had an errand to run. She ordered a new pair of designer trainers, but neither of us were at home when they arrived, so they were left at a delivery centre nearby for her to collect.
There is a bus stop about 5 minutes walk from my place, and the bus stops right outside the delivery centre. It’s about a 20 minute journey.
Ella asked if she could borrow the car to pick up the shoes. I said no. I only use the car to get to work, if I’m carrying a lot of things. I don’t use the car for anywhere that is walking distance or a short journey on public transport.
Ella got upset, and argued that she’s been on her feet all day for several days and is too tired. She then said that she’s “not the sort of person who uses public transport”.
Her mother’s and their family are extremely well off. Ella went to a very prestigious private school. Unfortunately they also have certain… attitudes towards people not as fortunate, one of which is that public transport is used by “unsuccessful” people. When she said about not being the sort of person who uses it, I said that she needs to get that snobby private school attitude out of her head if she wants to get anywhere in life. She swore at me and stormed off, but did end up going on the bus to get the shoes.
While she was gone Ella’s mother called me, shouting at me for “making our daughter’s life difficult” and accusing me of “trying to hold her back” etc. She said I should “show that I care” that she’s worked so hard at the hospital.
I accept that I shouldn’t have said the private school comment, but Ella isn’t so tired she can’t brave a 5 minute walk to the bus stop. I don’t want her to be reliant on the car when there are other ways to get where she needs to go.
AITA?