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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway271049 on 2023-10-04 11:26:02.
Been with this girl for almost 3 years now. IMO, the past year she has given absolutely no effort towards her life, and it has completely turned me off (not just sexually, but just from the relationship as a whole).
She’s 25, has no job, lives at her parents house, doesn’t go to school, doesn’t drive (has a license, but is scared of the road). I also live at my parent’s house, am 22, in college, and work part-time.
I’ve been telling her for months now that she’s needed go do something. Anything. Literally anything at this point. Go take driving lessons (I offered to pay), get a job, go back to school, start working out. I’m the one that drives 30 minutes back and fourth to pick her up when we hang out. Unless we’re hanging out, odds are she sits in her room and doesn’t leave the house for the entire day. She stopped going to therapy, too.
I’ve been nudging her nicely for the past year, slowly getting more and more fed up. It’s always “I’m trying my best” or “I’m working on it.” Never any action being taken. I offer to help from any aspect, I know it’s going to take one step at a time but if she ever takes that first step, it’s dropped within a week. She started working out, but gave up after 2 weeks. She LITERALLY had a job at a local store, but then called them and told them she couldn’t do it anymore, gave them and me some BS excuse. There is always an excuse.
Clearly, I’m fed up with it. I’ve been trying for a whole year. And I’ve ALWAYS asked nicely, offered to do everything with her. Help her drive, go to the gym with her, help her find a job. Still nothing. Fast forward to last week, where she tells me that I’m not giving enough effort in the relationship and I need to treat her better in some ways. Very fair, I could be better in some aspects, but then I bring up the point that I’ve been asking you to do these things for months on end, that is genuinely a source of my lack of effort towards the relationship. That’s when I said something like: “How am I supposed to give effort towards us when you aren’t even functional at a basic level? Come on, I’m asking for the bare minimum here.”
It sounds mean now that I think it back, but can you see where I’m coming from? I did not mean for it to be mean, but genuinely being honest, she is 25 and quite literally sits at home all day. Am I the asshole?
TLDR; After months of pure laziness and neglect towards her own life, I told my girlfriend she “is not functional at a basic level.”