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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cute-Technician7754 on 2023-10-06 11:18:47.
A few weeks ago my mom told me she wanted to sit me (16f) down and for us to talk about the stuff we have going on. Our relationship has been tumultuous since I was 10 or 11 and my mom told me she wanted us to get back on track and to figure stuff out.
BG: My mom remarried when I was 9 after my dad died when I was 6. My parents were only 19 when they had me and married while my mom was pregnant. My mom came from a household with a lot of steps and halfs and baby momma’s and baby daddy’s. She wanted something different for herself and for me. She and my dad had been together for two years at that point and they loved each other so marriage wasn’t an issue. Sadly dad died when I was 6 after getting sick with the flu.
My mom met her second husband when I was 8 and married him when I was 9. They told me he was going to adopt me and I said no. It was the very start of our relationship issues. Mom and her husband did not listen to me and we made it all the way to the court and the adoption was going to be approved but then the judge wanted to speak to me and I said I didn’t want it. The judge surprisingly listened.
That’s when stuff got bad. But it really got worse when I refused to call her husband dad and refuse to acknowledge him as just my dad. She also yelled really loud at me for saying half siblings instead of just siblings.
When we spoke she told me how much pressure she felt on her shoulders. She said she was judged a lot as a kid for being a stereotypical black kid with stereotypical black family problems like the mostly deadbeat dad and the revolving door of men and kids with all kinds of moms and dads. She always dreamed of having a nuclear family and when dad stood by her and they got married she was so relieved they could have that. And she said the judgement came again though because they were so young having me. She went on to say that when she remarried, it was important for her that I embrace her husband as my dad because of the respect and love it shows and to the outside world it shows she’s actually a good mom and they were wrong.
She brought up how people judge us. That I have gotten comments about not calling her husband my daddy from busy bodies. She told me she gets them and worse because they blame her for it. She also brought up the fact that her dream was always to have a nuclear family and that I could help us have that and just accept that my family had to change after death and embrace everyone fully as though they are meant to be here and that my refusal to say sibling/dad makes it look like they aren’t meant to be here. She asked me to consider all this for her, for her dream and so people won’t judge her.
I told mom she can’t have the family she wants anymore. I said she can still have a family. She already has that. But she can’t make us something we’re not and I don’t want us to be the family she dreams of. Mom was pissed and yelled at me again and she has been visibly angry ever since.
AITA?