actually, you’ve been assistant manager for a location of a company that recently went into liquidation for the last three years

also i broke my perfect non-posting streak for this

hey spectre, linking here advice.

i’d only just reiterate: if it were as easy as “lying” you would’ve done it by now. it’s not, obviously-- you’re in a psychic pickle, and its not easy.

you need to start building up your resilience a little each day, and make a little holistic progress each day, and eventually you’ll have enough momentum and enough things falling your way that you’ll be out of it. it will require self-forgiveness, humility and courage, but you are totally capable of this. you will feel very strong and proud of yourself.

(happy to bounce around ideas specific to your situation if that would be helpful)

Just reminding you that it’s not your fault, it’s the system’s. Unemployment is a <300 year-old concept, everyone worked before that, and it was fine because, like, are we really lacking things to do in this world? Unemployment is an unnecessary evil, and it’s NOT YOUR FAULT that you’re unemployed right now.

you’re going to be fine comrade! the bosses need us, we don’t need them! I have had so many months and years long gaps in my resume and people don’t care. you’ll be able to make it. just hang in there. i’m jealous that you’ve been unemployed for so long.

You worked as an independent contractor doing transcription. You decided to get out of it because AI is getting too good.

Then cast a wide net using indeed or whatever site to mass apply.

I’ve worked at 12 places in the last 5 years with gaps in between, but my resume and narrative doesn’t say that. And then I apply to so many places that even if 95% found out and rejected me it doesn’t matter, cause I only need one job. 5% success rate of 200 applications is way more than necessary.

Alternatively look into seasonal jobs, a lot of them don’t care about your resume as long as you can pass a drug test and (very basic) physical.

You are a VETERAN doing a tour in the Reserve Army Of Labor. Park in those Veteran’s spaces with pride o7

Sounds like where I was 2012 through 2015.

The things I wish I knew about employment back then are as follows:

All these recruiter dipshits have no idea what the fuck they actually want.

But when a new person is hired at my current job - and in retrospect, this was the vibe at every job I have always worked - there are only THREE, EXACTLY THREE, things at the very TOP of the list of what everyone else at the company are all hoping for:

1. Punctuality: Will the new hire show up on time, every time? And will they keep us INFORMED if something impedes them? Or are they going to rapidly form a pattern of being late unannounced until everyone’s rolling their eyes fifteen minutes to half an hour past the scheduled time as the newbie STILL hasn’t rolled their lazy ass through the door?

2. Practicality: Following instructions, taking note of the stages of a task, and actually saying something when they don’t understand so they can understand better are actually surprisingly rare behaviors in the workspace and a welcome breath of fresh air when they show up. Everybody gushes praise for the person who just quietly gets shit done when asked, and doesn’t duck off to an obscure corner to slack off. People take note when someone is actually engaging the work.

3. Patience: When someone is chill, and they neither create more drama NOR reflect/amplify existing drama, dear gods above and below it’s a miracle. Every place is a high school locker room underneath the surface and all someone has to do is dig; if you can leave the shovel at home, you’ll be treasured.

I don’t think enough people realize they can actually just tell a hiring manager that they’ll do these things. I mean, it’s not like they can just walk in with a firm handshake like the boomers expect, but at least at MY little company where it’s a family owned business and everyone knows each other (not a massive corp where the owner doesn’t even know who works for them) if someone walks in and their VIBE tells me they’re Punctual, Practical, and Patient, I’ll tell the HR gal about them myself because I know the kind of person I want to work with.

In fact, ask yourself that, what kind of person do you want to work with? Can you BE that person? Might you even be that person already?

I think part of the problem is that people either think that these factors are a given, or don’t think about these factors at all, but honestly: even if someone has zero skill or experience in an industry, as long as they are SHOWING UP, TRYING to do the work, and NOT making waves, they can be taught, and chances are they’ll learn better than someone who already thinks they know everything.