heh…heh… good morning… ahhh!! another day… heh heh…(acting like this isnt the reason he’s talking to you) oh hey did you see that email where i was asking you to do work for me instead of me doing it?
Yammer
this one is real its called Viva now
Most rational economic model btw
(Unprompted in the hallway) Hey! Just living the dream
spoiler
This phrase was the straw that broke the camel’s back and made me quit Walmart, actually
I’m not gonna lie, I say this a lot but it’s usually deadpan enough people laugh.
I knew I had to quit KMart when they started doing this cheer thing at 7 am before the store opened.
I never participated and then I started getting “talked to” for not participating when even the manager said it was dumb but we had to do it.
Just posted this same sentence entirely independently. I wish people would just say “oh I’m dead inside”
That would definitely be more bearable
Hey are you working hard or hardly working? Ha! Oh me? Just living the dream Ha Ha!
lol I can’t
Noooooo
there’s a cough going around
(walks up to you)
(takes mask off)
spoiler
yes, people actually do this when they come talk to you
I remember the guy who was walking around telling everyone to keep their masks on was taking his off within a couple feet of each person and then told me it was difficult to talk with them on when I complained.
Hey can we sidebar this discussion and wrap back around to it after this standup
i’m not sure if we can “wrap” in the office but we can definitely circle back to it after we lean into the standup
We tuck in this office sir
The monthly meeting’s about to start! We’re going to spend the next two hours going through the results of last month’s employee satisfaction survey! We didn’t allocate so much of the HR budget to it just so people wouldn’t attend.
ok just before you start on that i have one question… so… okay… so…
Gosh! It’s already coffee o’clock. What’s that is it your third for the day? Wow. I like a strong coffee too, but even I couldn’t drink more than two. Maybe one and a double shot if I really needed some ‘pep in my step’? Anyway, take it easy buddy!
Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee, amirite? Haha, just a little office humor!
(Over email) We can get on this first thing tomorrow!
(Immediately afterward, over DM) You see that email? I bet they’re gonna insist we stay late to get this done.
(Immediate afterward, via text message) Don’t wanna say this on Slack, but if they act like I’m not a “team player” because I don’t wanna miss my kid’s soccer game, I’m gonna freak the fuck out
i see that and raise you:
(im) “hey can you do this for me?” “i already did. look in your email.”
(walks up, in person) “wow! i didn’t see that!” “i know”
every week
(walks up and sees you have headphones on)
(Stands next to you awkwardly in your peripheral vision for 5 minutes)
(Taps you on the back)
Hey did you see my email?
im going to drink 8 cups of coffee all day and basically be a tweaker when i talk to people
Hey, good morning! How was your weekend? Oh ya? Yeah me neither, we just stayed in and did nothing. Yeah sometimes you really just gotta do that! Yeah, we basically never do anything but we like it. Okay, see ya later.
Mondays right?
mama mia I toucha da computa
I brought some beanis in the breakroom for everyone 🙂
mondays am I right?
