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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrownByWay12123123 on 2023-07-03 04:26:46+00:00.

I (36f) am a white American, my husband “Tom” of 8+ years is a Black man from Zimbabwe. We met while students in the Netherlands. Weirdly no one has ever been unkind about us being an interracial couple (at least not to my face), so I wonder if I am overreaching into this situation, because I have never faced this.

My older cousin “Jim”'s son “Alex” is graduated from high school in may. I grew up next door to Jim and his siblings and we are all very close. Jim initially told me that Alex did not want to have a big graduation party, but if I wanted to stop by quickly on the Saturday after the graduation, I was welcome to do so. He asked three or four times if Tom would be coming and was very insistent that it was not necessary. Tom has a big project pending at work so I figured he didn’t need to come with for me to drop off a check and a card, so the whole thing did seem weird.

Well, I arrive at Jim’s house to find a full on party underway. I was incredibly shocked and when I asked my aunt (Jim’s mom) what was going on she said that the party had been planned for months and that’s why we were all invited over. I told her what Jim had told me and she looked a bit sheepish and said, “Oh, that’ probably because “Sarah’s” family is here.” Sarah is Jim’s wife. I don’t know her family well and haven’t really seen them since Jim and Sarah’s wedding when I was a teenager. Anyway, regardless of any explanation I left, without saying goodbye or leaving the card and check on the gift table (this will be important later).

Jim called me the next day asking where I had gone. I told him I was shocked that there was a party when I was explicitly told there would be no party and thus not to bring my husband. Jim started to cry (which is weird and out of character) and told me that Sarah’s family is “very old fashion” and would disapprove of an interracial couple. They didn’t want to cause a scene on Alex’s big day, but they wanted me there so they came up with a “half-truth” to keep Tom from coming. I was, to say the least speechless. I just hung up the phone.

Later my mom called to say, she hadn’t known about the whole plan to keep Tom away, but she had spoken to her sister (my aunt) who was very hurt that I hadn’t left Alex his gift. My mom said AITA for punishing Alex for what his parents did and I should give him the check I was planning on giving him. Frankly, I don’t want anything to do with any of them right now, but I worry I am being unfair to Alex. So reddit, what say you?