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6 hours agothis looked awesome when i saw it earlier, thanks for the reminder I’m gonna poke Partner about it
rtstragedy [she/her]
idk, don’t really know who i am right now
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Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: August 15th, 2023
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i keep tryijg to respond to this lol. I think I want to figure myself out.
I feel this. if i had to be a man Alucard would be my style haha
spoiler
It’s definitely better than it used to be. I used to spend the vast majority of my time either self-harming or thinking about suicide. I didn’t really care much for anything back then, so I’m doing better now. I just have a hard time coping when my dysphoria gets bad. Like I often cry because I’ll never have kids or thinking about how much puberty ruined me.
Yeah, I know this feeling a bit. I try to focus as hard as I can on a good time when it starts to hit. There’s days I can’t look in the mirror, I rarely take photos. If you feel gender euphoria, it can help on your good days maybe to really lean into that. And on bad days, distract yourself. If it’s gotten better than it used to be, there’s reasonable evidence to suggest that it will continue to improve over time (on average, some days can feel like setbacks for sure)
This is just what works for me. There are many things I can’t do because of all sorts of reasons in my life. Sometimes, I long for them. I wish I could have Perfect Best Friends, focus more at work, know wtf I’m doing with bottom surgery, move to another country or state, etc. you know? I can’t let these things consume me or I’m lost, so I try my best to focus on the things I can do that I enjoy. It took me a very long time to find them. I got into all sorts of hobbies, learned a few musical instruments, made music for games in my spare time, met some funny people online to play games with, etc etc.
I do mourn the things I can’t do, occasionally. I think that’s important, too.
We will never be able to do everything we want, and I guess it took me too long to realize this wasn’t just a gender thing for me.
I hope this helps, I’m not a professional, you just reminded me of me when I was a tiny bit younger is all.
1·1 day agoI’m not a psychologist or a counsellor, so this is like, just my opinion, but …
I think these parts, the part you’re calling “pattern recognition” is meant to protect us. I don’t think we can stifle them, or give in to them completely. I try to compromise with mine - ‘what would it take to be honest to this person about how i’m feeling right now?’ ‘What if you just allude to it?’ ‘Could we just send one message and not wait for the reply?’
These parts get stuck when we get hurt, according to my therapist, at least.
that’s awesome! based wife
i have a vinyl of Have a Nice Life, used to listen to Deathconsciousness on loop, actually
thought the same thing lol
Oh no that’s cool actually, positions for different social things and whatever. That’s kinda neat, I think I just fidget or do it to stretch my legs or things like that.
that’s my best theory haha, i do just shift around every few minutes
Honestly both feet on the floor hurts me. ND sitting is based. REMOVE those armrests!!!
i see some bolts there, but i’m not sure if they are uh load bearing and they don’t seem clearly connected to the armrests … hmm, i’m a little afraid to experiment lol, maybe i can find a manual online
spoiler
COVID happened and I had to leave school for multiple reasons. I opened up to her about struggling with depression and all of it and she said she was there for me. She pretty much never texted me first at this point, it was just me reaching out.
I try not to keep track of these things, and remind myself that relationships can still be good even if all conversations are started by one party. Some people are shy, but still happy to talk etc. I co-regulate on this a lot, asking Partner “do you think they hate me?” more than I really should…
So texting feels broken because I do not trust anybody to respond to me. It sucks.
I can relate to this, for sure. It’s such a struggle. I’m busy, even I take a few hours to respond, but sometimes … I still get the fear, 5 minutes after sending something.
watching Partner play World 6 of Yoshi’s Island rn and I was previously convinced that I had beat the game when I was young, but definitely not now. Wow, world 6 is rude lol
I couldn’t find the original one, but this one is kind of similar lol (also, ripping something up, oops i feel called out, I’m surprised no one has ever commented on this, I do it everywhere, even in public…)
Yeah it is, I should be thankful. I do find myself fidgeting and shifting a lot, just out of desire to sit wrong Idk. Autism thing? ADHD thing?
I do it too, I think maybe in order to think? I shift a LOT in my chair, doesn’t matter how comfortable, it’s a bit noisy and I think it’s proabalby noticeable in meetings. I have a position for listening, for active listening, for talking… lol this is weird
I also cannot understand how people can keep both feet on the floor ever. I am the meme about ND sitting lol
Me too, I’m digging No Armrests gang! I recommend it.
I should see if I can remove these ones
5·2 days agothank you, good post. I was going to make a sassy comment about Winamp being “source-available” (derogatory) but it’s helpful to have you explain this instead, appreciate it. (I am a software dev, but I struggle with licenses etc.)
the chair I have now is decent, cheap but I can sit for like six hours in it before tiring which is pretty good.
damn, six hours is a really good time as far as I’m concerned. I have to shift around in office chair a lot, not from pain, but just … huh, I don’t really know why…
It also lacks armrests which I find I like surprisingly, I can sit really weird or slide in and out of it and push it right under my desk.
I Hate Armrests, honestly. I mean, I use them to make sure I’m not bending my wrists awkwardly, but I can’t like pull a guitar out at my desk when I’m thinking or whatever
Stretching I need to do it more and better tbh. Would help.
same
As soon as I saw that bass, I was like “yes those are LocalOaf’s cats” lmao
I really appreciated this post, but forgot to respond last night, thank you! Even just the Wikipedia page on co-regulation was a fascinating read, thank you.
And yes, shout outs to coregulation - it helps me so so much. I’m sure I would be a lot less successful at anything if I wasn’t able to do that.
kinda of aside
If I mention a thing that I am going through, I am mentioning it because I want help and another perspective
I hesitate to give my opinions unless people ask because sometimes people want to vent. I usually focus on trying to get people talking when they’re upset. Feels good when people are honest with me, I can usually tell something is not right, even over text. I’ve also still got some “please like me” brainworms that can make it a bit difficult for me to really offer up my thoughts without prompting (but when I do, I will be honest).
Everyone around me does this too - sometimes when I’m upset, I’m upset about 8 things at once, and I’m seeing the situation from every single angle simultaneously. My partner doesn’t offer advice because he’s sometimes not quite sure what the actual core problem is. I think it’s fair, I try to ask him exactly what I want to know.
When someone makes it seem like remembering to text you is an inconvenience, you stop wanting to put that effort in. I don’t know how to undo that, I want to put my time and effort where it is valued.
this sucks, for sure. i hope you can find some people for which you don’t feel that way.
beautiful legs, we love to see it. I always stop to look when I get out of the shower, lol
Based
Most chairs are really bad under capitalism
I have sat in very few good chairs/couches in my life, agree
Also give me your office chair, based and office theft pilled
I wonder if i could sneak out a second one from the office… The shipping costs would probably be enormous tho lol
But I do find stretching pretty much always helps. Pathetically even stretching is exhausting to me sometimes due to chronic pain but nimble joints are good for you.
Yeah I’ll give it a shot, thanks! And sad to hear about stretching for you :( I used to do dance for a bit and being super flexible was the best part actually haha
me irl