Jack yourself off with the monkey paw!

That’s not just a derogatory response, that’s the liberal response and answer to your question-say youre doing the thing, do something that’s superficially similar, but actually think of the worst most awful thing you could do, and do that. Best case? Warm fuzzy carceral solution. Worst case? They’re all youth pastors now, and nobody reports sexual abuse from them ever again! Problem solved!