Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this!
My boyfriend and I have been in a loving relationship for about 2 years. We had many issues but we always worked through them together. Recently, around 3 months ago, his behavior shifted and he started acting really different towards me and because we are in a long distance relationship at the moment, i can‘t really tell if his behavior towards his friends has changed. Before this he was very loving but also very anxious, which is why his avoidant behavior is throwing me off. Of course I am happy that he is not as anxious anymore but him changing from one day to the other really worries me still. Now he is very nonchalant and uninterested. I talked to him about it and while it‘s gotten a little better, it‘s still miles away from how he used to be. Yesterday i asked him if anything is wrong and he told me that he is not content with where he is in his life financially and mentally. He told me that he feels numb and like he is not able to maintain personal relationships but that it has nothing to do with me and that there is nothing i can do.
Before this conversation we had many more and we even almost went on a break because of this. He asked me to wait a year for him but i said i couldn‘t because 1 year without contact or little contact really would destroy me mentally. We ended up not going on that break but we decided to just try to make it work somehow.
to put into perspective how different he is now : he doesn‘t respond anymore, he barely wants to spend time together, he does not ask to meet up anymore, (TMI!!) he does not ask for phone sex anymore.
I try so hard to accept that he just feels off and that it has nothing to do with me but something is bugging me and i can‘t let go of it. Right when this started he turned off his location right before he went to the club with his friends until 6 in the morning (i never asked for his location in the first place and never really checked. Only when we had an argument and didn‘t speak for a couple of hours), he deleted his Twitter account that we used to send each other stuff on a lot and he only had the account for me, he barely wants to interact with me and if he does he doesn‘t want to talk anymore, he only wants to watch TV Shows (the ones I like, he does not want to show me his shows anymore).
Another thing his, i get on the train and take 3 trains to him and usually he would insist on picking me up before getting on the third train, he does not do that anymore. He also used to insist on bringing me to that same station when i left again. Not only does he not do that anymore, the last two times he did do that he got rlly angry at me about the directions i gave him (I am very bad at telling my left from my right). He yelled at me twice and did not apologize.
The last time we were together i bought him a coffee and the whole time we were sitting he was on his phone. He also doesn‘t hold my hand anymore, he only does it if i hold his first.
I know i should not be making this about myself because he is struggling but he doesn‘t want my help and i am just left overthinking everything. It‘s gotten to the point, where i feel like i have to impress him to make him love me again.
Another important thing is that in the first year of our relationship i gained 10kgs in just a few months. I struggle from an eating disorder, he is aware, and i couldn‘t even go to the store, let alone get on a train and let him see me like that. After lots of fights and tears he agreed to wait for me. He waited 4 months for me. We did not see each other for that time. I am so grateful for that because i know he does love me a lot. I know he was never mad at me for that and i know that most men would not do that but he did. So i feel the need to wait for him too, my issue is just that i don‘t even really know if he loves me anymore.
He says he does and i trust him 100% (even with the location thing, i know he did not cheat on me but i can‘t explain to myself why else he would turn it off), i know he is struggling but i can‘t help but wonder if he just does not like me anymore.
Do you think waiting is a good idea or does it sound like he has fallen out of love? Also, has anyone have this happen to them before? How should i be acting?
It sounds like he should be seeking counseling if he isn’t already doing so. In my opinion, you haven’t been together long enough that you should feel like you really have to stick around and work through this when he’s not putting effort in. If you’d been together many years, I’d say get in couples counseling as well. Since you haven’t been together a really long time, it’s really up to you if you think the relationship is worth going through that work. You’re both very young. Not every relationship is worth going those extra miles to try and save at your age.