Does anyone else feel a degree of imposter syndrome with work, like it’s only matter of time until you can’t work around your ADHD enough to avoid problems and everything falls apart?
I’m currently provisionally diagnosed with ADHD, pending further testing. I managed to get a degree and was working for a few years when someone recommended I get tested where I proceeded to finally pass this one test with flying colors…
My experience with work is that in the beginning, my attitude and enthusiasm to learn tends to give my bosses the impression that I have so much potential.
Then, cue the slow car crash that is me failing to meet that potential, then the cracks starting to show due to disorganisstion or task paralysis in my work, eventually putting me in a position where my competency is questioned and I’m falling behind on work because I’m struggling to meet (imo) great expectations that might seem realistic to neurotypical people, but is a struggle for me.
Then I jump ship to a new job, and the cycle restarts.
I thought I had a handle on my latest job. Stayed for just over a year. I thought this was it, I wasn’t an imposter, I was finally fitting in. Then cracks, and everything fell apart and I’m now at risk of losing my job again. I tried my best, and I just feel disappointed in myself, like even I can’t trust myself to do things right even at max effort.
This sucks.
I won’t pretend to know your situation, but the way you talk about the cracks forming sounds a bit like you also have an anxiety problem. You jumped ship, you didn’t get fired. I get the feeling that you quit because you felt like you disappointed them.
My friend, you got a degree. You made it through the gauntlet, regardless of how you did it or whether or not you feel like you deserve it. You did it. You are worthy.
The best thing about starting new is that you now have the experience to know what made you fail last time, without the pressure of the people who saw it happen.
It’s not going to be easy, but you can do it. You’re no more an imposter than the rest of us. There are many more people than you think who just wing it. The most important thing is that you get back up and try again.
Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve been put on performance for a while at work and despite my best efforts the situation isn’t improving. I’ve only got a few more weeks before basically guaranteed termination.
I definitely did have a moment recently where I found a mistake in something I made a point to go through with a fine tooth comb when I did it, and I was so horribly disappointed in myself I wanted to cry and resign because I tried so damned hard, but I still screwed it up.
And you are right about gaining experience and starting afresh. I hope that as I go along I’ll just gain more experience and be better at my job until I can work and meet expectations, like the average neurotypical person.
Keep your head up. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. And don’t forget to forgive yourself. Things will get better.
Reach out if you need someone to talk to. I have ADD, which is significantly less intense than adhd, but my wife has adhd pretty bad so I do get it from an outside perspective.
I appreciate it. I have inattentive type ADHD (also, I think ADD is now nested under the ADHD umbrella), based on what I’ve experienced so far.
I’m not sure where I fall on the severity scale, to be honest. On one hand, I made it out of education with a 2nd upper class degree in humanities.
On the other, I can’t drive long distances (1h+) unsupervised and unmedicated because there’s a significant risk that I’ll just shut down in the driver’s seat and crash my car, even if I’m smacking my face and trying everything to maintain wakefulness. I can’t help it, and thankfully so far it’s only happened when I’ve been able to pull over and swap drivers or rest.
Admittedly, I was diagnosed as a kid. I have functioned with it ever since, so I don’t know what it might be classified as these days.
I don’t know any better, but it sounds like you have a problem with long stretches of doing the same thing. My wife goes through that. Luckily, she has a job where she has the agency to stop what she’s doing for the time as long as it gets done within a deadline. And that’s exactly how she handles that. She can’t grind out work all in one sitting.
The driving part sucks though. I do all of our long driving so she doesn’t have to, but I definitely see how that’s a big problem.