(It looks like the vLemmy instance is no longer working, so I recreated the community here)
Hi everyone, my name is loopy and I created this lemmy community to make a space for people to share and support each other through the challenges of having a friend or family member struggling with addiction. As the sidebar says, this is not to replace therapy; think of it like an online support group. I’ll get the ball rolling a little bit by sharing that my BIL has been struggling with addiction. First to opioids, then to his Adderall prescription. The mood swings are an understatement. I get glimpses of sobriety but then the cycles continue. It honestly gets pretty exhausting to keep trying to have empathy only to be let down again.
My wife and my focus lately has been setting boundaries. He knows how to manipulate my wife, so I said that we all need to be present when deciding something (eg if he is staying at our house for the weekend). It feels uncomfortable for her, but it has been minimizing the stress. I have learned the valuable lesson of keeping yourself safe and well first. This is basically not possible for my wife to set this boundary with him, so my role has been a lot of reassurance and being consistent.
Another essential lesson we have discovered is to distinctly define roles. We are not therapists and cannot be a detox center. We have literally tried because he talked us into it.
The last recent thing we concluded is that the whole process has to be their decision. No matter how badly we want for him to succeed and how many ways we facilitate that success, if he doesn’t want to do it, he will find any excuse not to follow through. Actions are the only way to measure progress (words and promises aren’t worth much), and he must follow through first.We love him and truly wish for him to thrive in life. It is heartbreaking to see the lows, but as long as we don’t compromise on our own well-being, we will continue supporting him on his journey to recovery.
How have you all managed? How has addiction affected your life? Personally, I would love nothing more than to see some success stories to encourage others, but I know those are sometimes rare.
This is absolutely the right community. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I think there is a powerful thing about sharing. It’s like if we write it down or speak it out loud, the things we’re talking about aren’t as scary. When they swirl around in our own minds, it seems daunting and overwhelming, at least in my opinion.
That is really tragic to hear about your dad passing around that time in your life, as you are entering adulthood. I can relate on a certain level, because a previous girlfriend of mine had a father that dealt with alcohol (and pretty much any other substance) addiction. He was a genuinely good person, but was never around as a father. I’ll never forget watching a movie with her in college when we got the phone call that he was found OD’d in his apartment. I just remembered feeling that it’s all just not fair.
I’m glad you are remaining sober. I’m just an internet stranger, but I’m proud of you. That shit is hard. I had my demons and learned a lot through lots of pain. I think it’s important to remember those core reasons not to give in, because those temptations will meet you at your vulnerable moments.
Opioids and alcohol may not be the same substances, and people experience addiction to more than just drugs. Addictions to work, shopping, food, etc are more socially acceptable and functional, but addiction nonetheless. Dr Gabor mentions in a speech that he was addicted to classical music records, of all things. He missed the birth of his som because he felt the need to find a vinyl record so strongly.