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I found I had aphantasia as a flow-on from something else I was investigating.
I have known for a long time that I had trouble watching movies because I lose track of who the characters are. My wife started watching Married at first sight and I got really confused with it. 3 of the ladies had the same shaped face, hair style and colour and I could not tell them apart at all. I searched on Google to find out why and found about Prosopagnosia.
Reading about this it mentioned it was common with aphantasia. I kept reading and it sounded more and more like fiction. This idea that people could see images, make sounds, imagine touch and actually feel it all. I asked my wife if it made sense to her, and she just looked at me like I was mad.
Doing more reading since, I’ve discovered I have SDAM as well as autism. Sometimes life would be amazing if we got an instruction manual for our minds.
That little image with the apple.
I thought people meant it figuratively when they said they could visualize something. That image showed me most definitely not.
I saw a video describing the term, and it all clicked. Before that I described it as my thoughts being only ‘conceptual’. I always struggled with therapy cause I couldn’t translate my thoughts into words. Haven’t gone since I discovered the term, but since then I’ve gotten a lot better at articulating my thoughts. Much moreso in text than verbally, though.
Just found this video in my youtube recommendations and now I know… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewsGmhAjjjI
I think there was a youtube video by an artist years ago I watched. BOOM
I have kinda always known that I don’t really work the same way as some others do, but the more recent discussions on just how well some people can visualize things led to me reevaluating myself.
I think a pretty big tipper for me was in how different my dreams are in comparison to my waking ability to visualize. Total night and day difference. When asleep (or just after waking) I have vivid and lucid dreams. While awake I can’t conjure a stick figure or a simple apple.
+1
Wanted to add that once I had some drug- and sleep-deprivation-induced hallucinations at a hospital, and I was shocked that I could ‘visualize’, in a similar way to how I dream, I guess. I had never had a comparable experience before.
So, do you have visual dreams? I saw the other thing you posted that stated that dreaming experiences (among other visual phenomena) tended to be muted amongst aphants. Do you find that to be the case for yourself?
Dreams (or, at least, recall) tend to be rare for me. Although melatonin (but not very reliably) tend to make it more likely for me to have vivid dreams (melatonin gave me the most vivid dreams ever too). But when I do [remember?] dream, they can be pretty vivid, I guess.
Which is a mind fuck for me, because I cannot prove it, as that would result in a paradox (I can’t visualize anymore while conscious).
Anecdotally, I’ve seen quite a lot of aphants saying they allegedly have vivid dream; the community seems split on this though.
What’s your experience? edit: I saw you said you have vivid dreams, but are they frequent?
I suffered from sleep paralysis for a period of about five years (as an adult) that had accompanying vivid dreams of a horrible sort. So, after trying a few things to help, I kinda decided that the cure was going to have to be learning as much as I could about the dreaming process so it no longer could result in the negative experiences I was having.
To that end, I began to get really serious about learning to lucid dream. Started with dream diaries, and reality checks and went on a two-year journey of really mastering the art of falling asleep. It got to the point that with about a week of lead up time to get in the right mind frame, I could trigger a lucid dream pretty reliably about 3 or 4 times a week.
Now, I am out of practice, but I still get them around once or twice a month. Best thing of course is that the sleep paralysis no longer bothers me. So, I got that going for me, which is nice.
Ooh, yikes. I experienced sleep paralysis exactly once in my life and it was the most terrified I’ve ever been, especially not knowing at the time that any such thing exists. Sympathies that you had to deal with it to a much greater degree, and so glad for you that it’s not a problem anymore. 💜
Yeah it definitely sucked quite badly while it was happening, though I am oddly glad that I was forced to experience it.
Now I can kinda claim that I survived a demon sitting on my chest and torturing me for hours at a time. And I did it through science!
You have a great and commendable mindset! I’m glad you’re doing better and you can freely talk about AND used it to improve yourself!
