Posting this separate after my comment became so long…

I’m having a general panic that my 15 year old daughter does not need me at all and I do not factor into her life whatsoever. Try to speak to her and she teases me and brushes me off. Her girlfriend wrote my wife a lovely note how she and my son are so lucky to have a mother who cares about them so much. No mention or even nod to the fact that I exist. We parent as a team…the way she is raised and all of the love and support she gets is 50/50 in my opinion, although my wife has the direct conversations about relationships, sex, girl stuff because she doesn’t want to talk to me about that.

I suffered emotionally as a kid/teen and I have fought to get her therapy and medication, she went from being anxious beyond belief with suicidal ideation to pretty fucking happy nowadays…and that’s because I fought for that, based on my experience. I’ve given her the support I wish I had.

Anyway, I hope it’s just a phase and she will talk to me again someday without giggling like I’m just a weirdo. I know what it’s like to be a teenager, I have a lot of wisdom. I love the shit out of her. I hope it passes and we are super close again at some point.

  • nomadwannabe@lemmy.caEnglish
    5·
    8 months ago

    Sorry to hear my man.

    It sounds painful, and the letter clearly rubbed in some feelings or doubt that you were already having.

    Truth is, it is likely just a phase. But it could last a short or long time, everyone’s different, and humans are just the biggest freaking weirdos at that age.

    Two big things, 1) accept her as she is. Accept she currently doesn’t desire conversation from you. Doesn’t mean you don’t stop trying, but try your best to not make it about you, though it may be hard not to.

    1. Teenagers are darn good at digging in their heels when the feel dragged or forced into anything, and they could include something as silly and benign as being “forced” having a simple combo with Dad.

    So just continue providing your love and support, try your best NOT to make hints towards your contributions to the family, as she’ll likely see right through it. Be reliable, kind and consistent. Basically, continue being a dad. Continue to show interest in her and ask questions about her day, etc. but if she’s not feeling it, don’t let it become forced.

    If this lasts many months, you could consider either having a direct conversation with her, somewhere she feels comfortable, and somewhere she could Leave if she wants to (I.e don’t go for a drive where she doesn’t have an option to leave. Could feel claustrophobic or trapped.) and just direct - “hey, I feel like we don’t connect as much as we used to, and don’t spend much or any quality time together. I was curious on your thoughts about that.” And be as non-confrontational as possible, and hopefully gain some insight that way.

    You could also enlist your wife to bring it up nonchalantly since if seems from your comment they talk a lot more than you do with your daughter.

    In short, if you’re doing all you’re saying you are, she’ll likely come around at some point. Teenagers are weird. Keep on keeping on, and good luck.