I like dogs like I like toddlers. It’s fun to hang out with other people’s for a while, but ultimately they’re annoying, loud, and make a mess. I feel like in the past 10 years or so, dog owners have become increasingly convinced that everyone thinks their slobbering, untrained mutt is god’s gift to everyone, and expects everyone to love it unconditionally. Dogs in restaurants. Dogs in stores when you go shopping. “Oh it’s so funny that your dog is jumping on me and getting it’s dirty paws all over me while it tries to sniff my crotch.” “Oh oops! Your dog ate my food off the counter, fucking again. Guess that’s my fault because in this house nothing is safe from the coddled fucking dog.” “Hey man can you watch the dog? It’s really easy, not like it pisses all over the floor and knocks the trash over or anything. We have to leave the house for 2 hours and it has anxiety/depression/borderline personality disorder and he’s a wittle special boy who needs constant attention.”

I’m just tired of it. Nobody gives a goddamn about your stupid dog. Stop bringing your animal to restaurants, it’s disgusting and inconsiderate. It’s not your child, it’s a dog. Dog people have made me hate dogs.