I don’t really do anything worthwhile. Or at least that is what it sounds like when it is talked about. “You didn’t have to do that” “you don’t feel like that do you” I must really not be good at anything, and I really did think I was helping. But I guess I should keep to what I am good at, being in the way.
I have what I need, a place so no one will need to deal with clean up, and I have the know how. Courage is the thing I need and let me tell you my courage grows everyday.
I will probably delete this when I wakeup in the morning because I am a coward, but soon I will have the strength and need the relief enough.
And by conspired against, I meant how you feel like you’re in peoples way when you’re almost certainly not.
You know how you can be told something so long you start to believe it. I guess I notice that I only seem to be in the way when when nothing is broken, but if you keep hearing it you tend to believe it. I am sure I am easy to convince because I crave interaction, they all know how lonely I am. So am I in the way, maybe not sometimes, am I led to believe that, with out ambiguity I am told that I am just a burden.
Also, to define terms the they are my aunt, my mom, and a few of their friends. This constitutes the whole of my human interaction. I don’t believe it is a conspiracy they are just selfish people.
Also my mom is my primary support.
Hope you’re still around. Hang in there.
I was just going to send a little thank you note, I am holding on, I made appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist, in the meantime I will do my best.
I just came back to creep on the comments. Hope you’re feeling better.
Thanks for coming back, I am doing okay, it is just so strange to have people check on me. It feels so unusual. I really do appreciate.
No problem. I hope you continue to feel better
@Rhoeri@lemmy.world
So the two of you kind of stuck with me, so I thought I would give you a little update, if you are interested in what details I have feel free to DM
Turns out I have a cardiac condition that may be causing the unrelenting depression and making me melt down, my cardiologist “looked at one last thing” I am being treated and am able to stay at home and don’t have to go to a facility at at all for supervision because I am getting better.
Thought you might be interested, and wanted to say thanks again.
That’s fantastic news! Not the cardiac thing, but that you have an answer to your depression. It’s so good to know what the source is. Makes it easier to treat, and now you can have hope!
So happy you’re doing well!
Hi there. I am really glad to hear that you are feeling better and that you have a possible explanation for how you have been feeling. I really hope you continue to make improvements and I hope that your treatments go well!
No need for thank you. Trying is thanks enough and all I want from you. I’m glad you’re still here.
There will come a time when you will not need to go to others for emotional sustenance. Wether it be self-esteem or anything else. You’ll not need that from others as you will have the ability to support your own confidence internally. Within yourself.
I know this all sounds like complete nonsense, but trust me, it isn’t. You’re looking at yourself through the eyes of others. And this is not very healthy- especially if you have zero peripheral vision. But when you realize that you’re so much more than what others see you as- you’ll come alive. Maybe for the first time ever.
And this will be a defining moment for you.
Please- try and see your value. You matter more then you will probably ever know.