this girl that in knew in highscool as a white libertarian gay guy is now a liberal bisexual trans women. we love to see it, of course. so she reaches out to me to apologized to all the shitty sometimes racist shit she said in highschool that led to us no longer being friends. i say yeah 100% forgiven lets catch up. so we do and we end up chatting for like a year, we get close, she send me update pics of her boob development and pics of her gf, i share my poetry, its nice.until one day while talking about what defines us and she says something like “humanist, pagan woman” and im like cool i would say i think of myself in my own mind foremost as a black nonbinary communist, i also said being a black and communist were the two things i loved to most about me. she takes a long pause and basically tells me i "put too much stock into labels, and that im negatively reminding her of some poc communist friend she has thats “too aggressive” and “denies the genocide of ukrainans” and im "being held back by thinking of everything through race. for context this girl has made being a transwomen a huge part of her personality, constantly complaining about the cis (hell yeah) she talks about being a transwomen and autistic every conversation and i think thats awesome and cool. but apparently i cant talk about being black or a communist. FURTHER CONTEXT one of the reason we originally stopped being friends was in part because she tried to tell me not too identify as black because “were just people labels are reductive”. i gave a bs excuse about why i dont want to be friends anymore but yeah i was thinking about it today and just wanted to vent. it was a while ago but it still sucks.
i feel like this is a thing with white queers in general, especcialy if they had a “conservative phase”
and before someone asked why i was friends with a libertarian in high school the answer is i loved arguing and she would threaten mean boys for me.
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white trans ex friend*
Judging by the conversation she never stopped being white
lolol if only!
bonus story she was one of those “racial preferences isnt racists” and “i would NEVER date a BLACK person” and “attraction is BIOLOGICAL”
lol ,… soooo … you might just be her “my black friend doesnt mind ,therefore i am not racist”
god no, that was the reason i stopped being friends with her in the first place! i told her it was racist at the time dont worry, and i used to enjoy arguing (i thought it made me smarter). our friendship was mostly held together by the fact our 4th period class ran out of funding and a teacher for a year so we just sat in a room with nothing to do for a year.
i used to enjoy arguing (i thought it made me smarter)
I feel this. I could act like it was recreational but I had something to prove
Why would you ever be friends with someone like that? I would not be friends with anyone my age who thinks like this and I’m white.
I would comment more about how what this ex friend is saying throughout their post is complete nonsense, but I’m sure you know that already and this is the POC community so I’ll shut up in accordance with rule 2, and you’ll get a better perspective from fellow POC users.
i went to an arts schools where half of the white kids said the n word and had confederate flags, where teachers had the confederate flag where one black kid had a confederate flag and multiple black kids defended the confederate flag if this gives you an idea of the environs. when i was a teenager i though all white people were racist by default, i fully did not believe non racist white people existed and that you just had to accept this to live, and i had black friends at that school and we all hung out after/before school and did each others hair but i had plenty of classes where i was the only black person. also in this incident it was me vs the entire group of like 5 people most of which were hispanic. like i was the freak social justice warrior already at my school for saying white people couldnt say the n word (plenty of the black kids at my schoolgave them permission). i had new a kid who told me i was the first black person he ever liked and was scared of other black people and when i got upset 4 other kids told me “its not his fault” and called me ignorant. i have a 1000 other stories, a girl got bullied out of school for a week for quoting mlk on riots (someone make an Instagram to harass her). i know no one believes how racist my school was when i talk about it but idk thats the reality.
edit i know all lots of those bootlicker black kids and they have ALL done a 360 since leaving high school, posting about anti racism and whatnot. we had a super racist principal who would give speeches about avoiding ‘STREET KIDS’.
Did a 180, I assume you mean. 🤓
between this and the title im getting roasted
im "being held back by thinking of everything through race. for context this girl has made being a transwomen a huge part of her personality, constantly complaining about the cis (hell yeah) she talks about being a transwomen and autistic every conversation and i think thats awesome and cool. but apparently i cant talk about being black or a communist.
she went from
to 
in 5 secs flat. RIP. Don’t try to salvage it imo. She said she was sorry for being racist, but apparently she wasn’t really.Ok I agree but also please don’t they/them her
my bad, i meant it grammatically like “that one over there” rather than gender. I said she at the beginning. (not to excuse my mistake, just saying it wasn’t deliberate) fixed.
Fair, thank you
she sucks but don’t misgender her
fixed
This is why understanding intersectionality and the kyriarchies we are a part of is so fucking important. It’s a huge problem with class-reductionist communists as well.
hard agree, sadly you see this shit with self proposed leftist too. not too often on hexbear or irl thankfully or id loose it.
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i feel like this is a thing with white queers in general, especcialy if they had a “conservative phase”
Wholly agreed. As soon as they hear a label they don’t like, all of a sudden, it becomes ‘reductive’, you’re just ‘playing a card’ to them, you got ‘too radical’. There’s a reason I stopped fucking with white queers in general, and a lot of it has to do with the way so many of them glommed onto “all lives matter” as a response when BLM was first starting to rev its engine-- your ex-friend smacks of the same kind of reflexive anti-blackness that seems to thread its way entirely through the queer community.
All I know is the moment someone tries to tell me to not live in the Blackness I’m only just now finding as a result of one of those type of aspirant 10-percenter upbringings, that’s the moment I cut the mf off like a rotting bough; with an exact receipt for why.
yeah i no longer have any white friends and my mental health had never been better lmao. it wasnt a purposeful thing but i raised my standards and poof all the white people in my life disappeared.
It was as soon as you started setting boundaries, wasn’t it
it was like a light switch, shoutout to my therapist! so glad i found a black therapist who validates me.
Did you ask her what the other PoC communist’s contact info is? Sounds like a good person to know.
honestly yeah, they sound great.
unironically have seen quite a few fellow white trans women doing this shit and then claiming that if you criticise them for it you;re transphobic, they fucking suck ngl
i feel like this is a thing with white queers in general, especially if they had a “conservative phase”
Pinkwashing (which really is just whitewashing but for queers) has done wonders in preventing intersectionality in predominantly white queer communities. It manifests in different levels and is probably just due to USonian propaganda of white civility being ingrained in all aspects of white establishment society.
FURTHER CONTEXT one of the reason we originally stopped being friends was in part because she tried to tell me not too identify as black because “were just people labels are reductive”
Oh nah, she sucks, giving off real “why are you a muslim if you’re gay?” vibes. Intersectionality only for me but not for thee.
Oh nah, she sucks
yeah sometimes the liberal in my head tells me not to set boundaries and to be endlessly patient until she magically get less shitty but yeah… she sucks. pinkwashing has done insane untold damage to the queer community.
Don’t worry the rest of the trans women will convert her and scrub her neurons eventually
how long has she been transitioned? That’s usually a factorDoes also help to remember liberals are an extreme minority in the trans community
this is all important to remember. most white trans women i know are some of the nicest people you will ever meet (the comrades at least). i think she was a year or two into hrt.
Give her a couple of extra years maybe 🤔 gotta build up discriminatory experiences
im sure she will come around eventually, maybe ill get a second apology lol.
Yeah that has nothing to do with gender or sexuality and has everything to do with western white programming, especially the “racism is over so don’t stir the pot” feelgood bullshit they strain through the libs.
Your friend doesn’t sound like an intentional agitator though, maybe see if you can lead the convo through the logical shortcomings without sounding preachy or irritated? The lessons best learned are the ones learned from within; perhaps she just needs to be lead there? 🤷♂️ idk I’m just an internet moron lol
yeah i dont wanna talk anymore but im sure some eternally patient person could get through to her that person is just not me.
She didn’t change, and your friendship with her now will likely take the same shape as it did in high school.
youre right. its for the best i broke it off. still bums me out. we had nice convos about poetry and death and being trans.
Ex-whites are the worst
i regret not giving her a real answer for why i dont want to be friends anymore, but i regret not telling her that i too deny the ukrainan genocide even more.
“being held back by thinking of everything through race.”
White libs when they say this, or any kind of variation on “Oh, iDeNtITy PoLiTiCs distract from the REAL ISSUES!!!” type shit. Absolutely insufferable.
I do wonder what her takes on being trans or neurodiverse are, if she can be this awful to you on this subject…
White libs when they say this, or any kind of variation on “Oh, iDeNtITy PoLiTiCs distract from the REAL ISSUES!!!” type shit. Absolutely insufferable.
They think this because they believe racism was solved when Obama became president and that it only remains an issue due to fabricated grievances from whiny minorities.
“Oh, iDeNtITy PoLiTiCs distract from the REAL ISSUES!!!”
I feel like this quote is the liberal flavor of "class war only, we don’t have a race issue
even though there’s not a single DROP of melanin in our leadership, speakership, or planning committees".
It sucks to be expressing something you love about yourself and have the response be some knee jerk bullshit. Like, hey, I thought I was taking my turn to talk about my genuinely held feelings and experiences, but I guess your random hangups take precedent. Cool. Good to know.
