There’s this rising narrative going around that if you ask specifically for a CIS partner, you’re a transphobe. That could be true for some people but it’s not fundamentally related to bigotry. Moreover, this narrative, the “if you only want a CIS mate then that is prejudice” is trampling on one of the most important rights a person can have: the right to choose who they want to get intimate with.
First of all, transmen are in fact men and transwomen are in fact women. Let’s get that out of the way. This isn’t a foot in the door for “trans this really isn’t that” narratives. What this is about it is the freedom to choose who you want to be intimate with. That right is sancrosanct, it is absolutely inviolable.
And yes, there’s plenty of issues that make transgender dating a special issue. If someone reveals their TG status they can be open to hate crimes and even deadly violence. However all marginalized groups are special in their own way. As a black man I don’t think it’s racist if a woman says she doesn’t want to date a black man. I face oppression, too. My class is special in its own way. One group isn’t more special than the other. None of us have the right to force ourselves upon those who don’t want to be intimate with us, even by omitting who we really are.
Really, if you have to deceive or hide who you are in order to date someone, do you really want to date them? I wouldn’t. That’s not fair to you and you’re denying them their right to choose who they want. What do you think will happen when the person wants a CIS mate and they discover the truth? They’re going to get pissed and dump you. Now you have to shame them into staying with you: “If you loved me for real this wouldn’t bother you”… that’s not going to convince anyone. They’re either going to leave, or they’ll resent you forever. That’s just how it is. You can be mad at that but that’s about as effective as protesting the rising of the sun. There’s just no way to win once you’ve gone down that road.
“I want a CIS mate” is not the same as “trans women are not women” - one is a preference, the other is harmful prejudice. On the flip side CIS people who do date trans people shouldn’t be shamed for their choices either. A man should be free to date a trans woman and not catch flak about it. Trans people should be able to be openly trans and not face hate speech or threats to their well-being. This, without any exception whatsoever.
The fundamental fact is when you shame or worse abrogate people’s right to choose who they want to get intimate with, it’s not going to end well for you. All you’re going to get is people who resent being coerced or bullied to date people they don’t want to. And that’s not something the country, or the world, will ever put up with. Except that right now, most people don’t imagine they can be labeled a transphobe just for wanting a CIS mate. And unpopular opinion: that should be nipped in the bud.
I mean, duh? If your partner isn’t compatible (read, not presenting the exact same, just compatible) with you, you’re in for a bad time
What’s your point? Do you realize how difficult it is to find a person that you like who also happens to be ace and likes you back? There’s nothing “god-sent” about being ace these days just like it wasn’t 30 years ago. It’s a curse that makes something which is already hard (finding a partner) even so much more harder.
I never said “God sent” don’t mis quote me
I never said being ace was easy, only that it’s inherent to a relationship that if you have unaligned preferences you would be at a disadvantage. A gay man and a straight women would experience the same incongruity.
This is the message I replied to.
Ok? Go tell him not me.
It was him I was talking to untill you decided to chime in with your views no one asked about.
No your can’t pull that. You’re on an open forum, if you want to 1:1 go to DMs.
Also you replied to the comment of my message too, your engaged this on the subject matter. You could have ignored me, regardless of my permission to respond.
It’s totally fair for me to disambiguate orphan quotes that are attached to me
If you take part in a conversation you should read what has been said before instead of just replying to individual message while ignoring the context.
Lol, pot, kettle.
Back on topic, am I wrong regarding compatibility of any couple?
Dude, come on how many times do we have to see this crap in threads? You jumped in the comment chain in which that was the top comment. The implication is that you agreed with it based on everything you wrote/the person you have been pushing back against. You picked up that person’s argument on their behalf. This is basic forum etiquette and if you’re on the fediverse there is no way you don’t know this.
So yes, by proxy you said it because you implicitly agreed with it. If that wasn’t your intention then you need to read more carefully and think about what you are saying before you post a comment.
Either you are new to the Internet and forum/comment etiquette, or you are being difficult and feigning ignorance.
It’s absolutely fair to address one post of a discussion. I don’t have to accept the totality of a thread.
I made a specific point and clarified I did not make that specific statement. When they directed it at me I clarified.
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