I have a 9-5 job and my roommate doesn’t, which means our schedules not entirely aligned. They often stay up until 2-3am talking on the phone. We live in a very quiet neighborhood and our rooms are directly adjacent, and as a result I can hear them very clearly. I usually have to ask them to quiet down and they do, but I nonetheless can usually still hear them. I often feel exhausted because of this. My job has been quite stressful recently and I feel like my wellbeing is plummeting because of these factors.
They claim that, because they’re already talking as quietly as they can, I should use earplugs or headphones to deal with it.
I want for them to finish their calls much earlier but their friends apparently can’t make that work. I feel like I’m going crazy with lack of sleep, am I the asshole?
NTA.
A common policy for many shared living situations is quiet time starting around 9/10 PM. Seems like talking loud enough to be clearly heard in the other room would break that… it’s hard to say without actually hearing it.
Have a calm conversation where you clearly and briefly explain your position AND make an intentional effort to ensure you fully understand theirs. Listen to them and give a shit if that’s how you want them to treat you. Sleep may be more important than diet or exercise as a foundational part of life, there’s plenty of research to back this up.
If they’re a decent person and you can reason with them instead of triggering an emotional response, you can work on the problem together instead of against each other. Maybe there’s something you’re doing that bothers them? Look for low hanging fruit that can help you both be more comfortable.
Regardless, some easy steps you can take to quickly restore way less some quality of sleep are: