Let me preface this with, yes, I probably am depressive, I have been diagnosed with depression when I was very young and while things have been okay since then, it’s probably important to recognize that. I consider myself in a very good state of mind in my life at this moment.
So what do I mean? Well, I don’t feel like I’m depressed, not the way that I understand depression. I do however have these very intense moments of ennui; dissatisfaction from lack of interest. This is basically I find life very unfulfilling because I don’t see much point in anything, things don’t seem fun. This isn’t my normal state, but certain triggers will intensely put me in this state of mind for an hour or more.
I also have episodes where I feel very melancholic for a certain vibe, there’s a certain type of music where if I listen to it, I get very very sad because I imagine a life I used to want to live but never was able, even though I’m only 29. My girlfriend says I should stop listening to this music but it’s a very bittersweet feeling for me and I get enjoyment out of this specific flavor of sadness.
Sometimes these states are influenced by stress, other times by boredom. They almost always only last an hour and cause me no real concern. I don’t really know what to think of them, I think the only reason I’m mentioning it is I feel introspective. What do you guys think?
Sounds like you’re describing depression.
Also, you’re only 29 please don’t let your music taste halt now. There’s great stuff being released right now and it’s healthy to pepper that in. Be careful or you’ll be listening to nothing but these tracks/albums for the rest of your life. Especially if it’s affecting your relationship.
Do you think there’s a little imposter syndrome going on?
Oh I listen to new music all the time, it’s just when I put on a certain genre of instrumental hip hop I get in a certain mood, but yeah right now I’m really into an artist called jazz emu. As to your last part, I don’t know, I’m not familiar with the symptoms
Oh instrumental hip-hop is great. Never stop listening to that lol. I’ll check out jazz emu.
As for imposter syndrome I just mean it kinda sounds like you’re trying to talk your self out of depression as if your symptoms aren’t a big enough deal or you haven’t “earned” the title or something.
Sudden bouts of intense sadness without a reason (outside of generalized stress/boredom, I mean acute reasons that one would expect sadness from like your favorite show getting cancelled or whatever) that your partner is noticing and encouraging you to stop? Yeah, maybe get a professional opinion on that.
To be fair she only mentioned this once when it came up in conversation, and I do actually have a therapist visit scheduled, it’s just with my insurance the soonest I could get the appointment was late April, but I had been wanting to go to one again for a while for unrelated reasons (social anxiety)
Losing interest in things is a absolutely a symptom of depression.
You will find it listed on any trusted source about depression.
The assessment questionnaire my doc gives me every visit includes a question about this.
This symptom has a name.
anhedonia
If it lasts for an hour and then you are fine, then it’s not depression, at least not in a diagnosable sense. Not having an interest in things is absolutely a symptom of depression, but symptoms generally need to last for at least 2 weeks and have to cause you significant distress or affect your functioning.
What you are describing sounds like being human to me. Maybe you are really introspective or a highly sensitive person, so these states get triggered more readily.
“Nostalgia is a hell of a drug.”
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I feel like that’s pretty common for people your age. Things start to slow down and get a little more predictable and repetitive
You gotta funnel that into a relentless search for the exact right video game that’ll scratch the impossible itch. Become a reviewer. Bash the stuff that sucks and be super descriptive of why it sucks. Amass a following! Eventually have everyone else engineer what doesn’t suck by reversing the polarity of your suck descriptions. Somebody makes the best videogame ever. Depression cured!
