I’m a 37 year old IT Cloud Engineer, I have a great job, great house, love my family, but recently I lost my dad to cancer after a 16 year battle. My brother likes to say cancer had to cheat to win, it was all because he broke his back and had to be taken off his treatments for to long. Cancer is a fickle bitch…

Prior to losing my dad, I lost my best friend, who apparently dropped dead in his backyard. I don’t know the specifics and frankly I don’t want to know. Either way, these events effected me, and I started having massive panic attacks and anxiety issues, constantly afraid for my health even though there’s nothing wrong with me. It took a few months of therapy to realize I needed medical help.

I was put on antidepressants and everything changed, I was a human again for the first time in like a decade. I was happy, I was successful, but now, idk if I’m just having a midlife crisis, or if maybe I’m just feeling depressed again, but I just feel lost. I’ve lost one of the few people in my life I’ve modeled my success after, my father, I lost the other person I could hang out with and empathize with, I have my wife and I love her to death, but my friend had been that person that was just there to hang out and make you feel better, and now they’re gone. I’m still struggling to cope and it’s just really hard and I need a place to vent.

Anyone have any ideas on how to cope and move on as well as control the anxiety without the need to be medicated?

TL;DR: Lost my dad and my best friend in the course of two years and it’s been rough. Now I feel lost and confused constantly. Cloudy brain and I just don’t want to be complacent in life and need some advice. Thanks for reading.

Edit: just wanted to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I’m going to take the advice I’ve been given here to heart and try some new things to try and give me some direction. Thank you all again so much for the help, it really made me feel a lot better.

  • 108beadsM
    1·
    1 year ago

    Agreed, meditation apps cost money, and that’s really offputting. Some have a great deal of thought and intelligence behind the design. Perhaps worth money for some. But I find most of the whistles and bells merely irritate me. They’re built on a “keep the user engaged with shiny new toys” model, which I don’t find truly compatible with the point of meditation. And they tend to use the subscription model, rather than one-time pay; no thanks.

    Three thoughts. First (and IMO best option as a starting point), the Plum Village app is free on Android and iOS. It has some basic guided meditations and talks. This is from the community of Buddhist Zen Master and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. You can donate if you wish, but there’s no pressure.

    Second, you can find a simple timer, even use an alarm clock to set an amount of time for each sitting, and interval bells. (Sort of like exercise training intervals, or Pomodoro). Most have a few background sound options.

    I like “Meditation Time” on Android (unsure if it’s on iOS), because it’s sparse, and has a purring cat as one of the background sound options. My lap-cat comes running when she hears the opening chime to start a session, so she can sit in my lap and purr along with the app.

    Third, there are guided meditations, and music for sleep or meditation on YouTube, although you need to sift through and figure out which ones you like.

    I am not exaggerating when I say meditation has saved my sanity, probably my life.