I don’t think that there was really a lot of real community the last big city I lived in. Maybe that’s just a matter of in-group/out-group politics though; I wouldn’t have any good way to know if there was a real community if I was never invited to be a part of it. I do recall that there was a pretty sharp split at the local dungeon between the people that were ‘purists’ and the people that weren’t, e.g., the people that want to kink to be completely separate from sex vs. the people that wanted it to be part of sex. If there was a community that I wasn’t aware of, perhaps the community was mostly the people that were the former rather than the latter.

…Or maybe I just give off super-creepy vibes.

I do recall that petite women (and men, although to a much lesser extent) were usually the ones doing suspensions; risks of nerve compression injuries were significantly lower for them.