This has been nurdling round in my brain for a bit, then I heard one of Belle Robertson’s one minute audios that really helped clarify it.
Sober supports/tools can b split into five categories. You don’t have to jump in with both feet and do all the things (although I do recommend doing food and sleep every day), but if your sobriety starts feeling a bit rocky, can you add in a new support? don’t try harder, try different.
connection/group/you’re not alone in this:
listening to sober audios/podcasts
face to face meetings, zoom meetings
reading other sober stuff (newsletters, blog, quit lit)
Self-soothing (calm calm calm things)
Going to bed (there’s nothing like being under the duvet, in your pyjamas with your teeth cleaned for stopping a booze run)
Time with pets
treats
nice alcohol-free drinks
Treats planned in advance - bath, haircut, cookies
change the channel in your head
Music
A TV show/movie that you will get into
Going for a run/walk/bike ride
Yoga
Prayer, meditation
Self-care (these can blur into self-soothing, but to me, self-care items are the basics you need to stay alive)
Food
Shower
Exercise
Sleep
Accountability
Sober coach
addiction counsellor
Sponsor
Therapist
apps (in my first month, the knowledge that I’d have to reset three different trackers, and that I couldn’t be arsed, kept me sober more than once).
I find cravings can be addressed with HALT the BS
am I Hungry Angry Lonely Tired or Thirsty Bored Stressed or Sad
if I work out which one of the above applies, and address that, then cravings will typically disappear.
In my experience, willpower alone isn’t going to work. You use up willpower in a thousand different ways from the minute you open your eyes and get out of bed, and by the time your personal witching hour comes round, you’re all out of the willpower required to resist that glass of wine, and by the time you’ve drunk it, you’re definitely out of willpower to refuse the second or third or fuck it, might as well finish the bottle.
So you support your willpower, and strengthen it with scaffolding, sober supports, tools, stuff you can lean on when the cravings hit.