Basically for most of my adult life I’ve struggled to have a life that I truly wanted. Not comparing myself to anyone else, but going from job that let me go to job that let me go. Not making ends meet. I never felt “normal.” I always felt like an anomaly.
Then the pandemic hit; while everyone else was panicking and not sure what to do for me it was–at worst–a mild inconvenience; and at the time I was working a retail job (at last feeling like I wasn’t going to get fired at the drop of a hat, which was a weird feeling). I was tech freelancing on the side, too, which is where my skill set was.
Then suddenly freelancing took off (I think it was because of the freelancing sites I was on “rotated” me to the top). I was able to quit my job, do freelancing full time. I was able to go on actual dates (since I want to get married). I moved out of my parents place. It was awesome. For once I felt “normal.” Again, while everyone was panicking I felt like I was finally going in the direction I had planned, with ease.
Then when everything was going back to “normal,” I started to lose the success that I had gained. The clients that I worked for during the pandemic didn’t seem interested in continuing working. I’ve since had to fight every day to get back to what my normal was (which was everyone else’s unusual season).
Anyone else feel this? Pre and post pandemic was chaotic, and the pandemic for me felt like I was finally getting somewhere in life. I realize a lot of folks died because of COVID (and many more families split because of it), but it just angers me whenever people talk about the “new normal” when there wasn’t a “normal” for me to begin with.
So the pandemic time was weird for me too but in a different way. I was fine, the entire time I was fine I never got sick, got paid plenty from the government stimulus while I was furloughed and once back to work I got a big raise, more responsibility etc. However I think it made me depressed and I didn’t know it.
I’m a high functioning person, see me on the street any time and I’ll tell you I’m fine, because I am fine compared to those less fortunate but mentally I might not be and I couldn’t tell you why. Looking back now I can see it, I gained a ton on weight, drank a LOT more than normal and wasn’t interested in what I normally was. Sometimes I’d just sit and listen to music and cry. Every day I’d watch the news, people died, bodies piled up, people yelled and screamed COVID wasn’t real, more bodies. I couldn’t do anything outside and I’m generally fine with that (introvert) but… nothing outside ever, no events, not seeing friends or family, worrying every time I’d go to grocery store I might get sick, that did have an impact.
How can we make sense of pandemic times? Reflect I think. What did you like, what worked, what didn’t, more importantly, why? Then you can reverse engineer it and go after what you find works best for you. It’s a big crowded world we live in and we all have to find our place in it.
I think… I’ve learned I need to care for myself more and worry about other people less. I need to listen to my body and my mental state and I need to put more effort in where it matters most. Maybe that means completely changing my life, moving, switching careers, who knows? I do know my happiness can’t just be reactive, it takes work, a proactive approach