Yesterday my dad called me a loser because I am underemployed right now. I am looking for another job that fits with the uni break, asking managers for more shifts, trying to better myself by actually having hobbies for once in my life and doing things with friends. Yeah, I still don’t wake up super early, and yeah, I’m not happy with my life either, but I feel like I’m getting somewhere, after years of fighting battles in my mind and making shitty decisions.
Then you’ve got my twin sister who has had a full-time job even when she was studying, has a mortgage and her life is work, and she can get through each day without having to reassure herself that she’s going to be fine. Most people my age aren’t lucky enough to be in this position, but somehow this is the standard I’m expected to uphold. No one says it, but just by the way people in my life baby me around, I can tell that that’s the way they want me to be.
As a parent sometimes we say things out of frustration. It doesn’t make it right though. Big hugs for you because you are going forward and that’s the main thing. 💛
That’s so shit and so fucked up. I’m glad he apologised, but it’s not fair that he did that in first place. Comparison is the thief of joy, you’re doing YOU and that’s all that matters. You are loved!
I know it’s difficult to dismiss a parents opinion, but I would highly recommend it in this case.
It sounds like he has no understanding of the way the world works at the moment. I hear this a lot from people. That their parents are completely disconnected from the realities of life these days.
Yesterday my dad called me a loser because I am underemployed right now.
what a prick.
You didnt need to say or justify anything beyond that. Hes a prick. Nothing more to say and nothing else matters beyond that.
You dont speak to your kids like that. EVER. Even if you aint a kid any more.
It’s the sort of comment that might have motivated him as a young man, and may be motivational for your twin, but definitely is not effective as a motivator for you. And as your parent he should have seen that a lot earlier.
He may be sincere in his apology, but I’m so sorry you experienced that from your father. The things our parents say tend to stick around a while in our heads (my egg donor said “you’re just like your father!” And slapped me when I replied “good!” lol, I’ll never forget), but know that YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!! no one here would ever say or think that about you, because it’s untrue! You are nowhere near to being a loser and your dad should spend the rest of his life making it up to you imo.
wtf, i wouldn’t say that to a friend let alone a daughter
you know you’re right , you know they were wrong
but it hurts so bad, hurts because why would they even say that, they are supposed to be kind and supportive, and you know they know how to be supportive because they are to other people
so many many hugs
I know it hurts, I know that having the kindness and support of those we love makes us feel like we can conquer the world but there are times we need to be our own best friend
you have us as your friend and you have yourself, you’re a really good friend
me, my family of origin want me to be loser, they would get angry when I has success of any kind, I lost them instead
Yesterday my dad called me a loser because I am underemployed right now. I am looking for another job that fits with the uni break, asking managers for more shifts, trying to better myself by actually having hobbies for once in my life and doing things with friends. Yeah, I still don’t wake up super early, and yeah, I’m not happy with my life either, but I feel like I’m getting somewhere, after years of fighting battles in my mind and making shitty decisions.
Then you’ve got my twin sister who has had a full-time job even when she was studying, has a mortgage and her life is work, and she can get through each day without having to reassure herself that she’s going to be fine. Most people my age aren’t lucky enough to be in this position, but somehow this is the standard I’m expected to uphold. No one says it, but just by the way people in my life baby me around, I can tell that that’s the way they want me to be.
/ end vent with lots of cognitive distortions
As a parent sometimes we say things out of frustration. It doesn’t make it right though. Big hugs for you because you are going forward and that’s the main thing. 💛
Thank you 🫂
That’s so shit and so fucked up. I’m glad he apologised, but it’s not fair that he did that in first place. Comparison is the thief of joy, you’re doing YOU and that’s all that matters. You are loved!
Thank you, that is very true :) I will keep doing me and trust that things will click into place.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I know it’s difficult to dismiss a parents opinion, but I would highly recommend it in this case.
It sounds like he has no understanding of the way the world works at the moment. I hear this a lot from people. That their parents are completely disconnected from the realities of life these days.
You’re not a loser and I hope you know that ❤️
Thank you! I will (try to) dismiss it.
I agree, he doesn’t understand the way the world works at the moment.
He did apologise, saying he believes in me and that he was just trying to push me, but that’s definitely a mean thing to call someone.
It’s the sort of comment that might have motivated him as a young man, and may be motivational for your twin, but definitely is not effective as a motivator for you. And as your parent he should have seen that a lot earlier.
Yes, he should know by now I’m sensitive!
He may be sincere in his apology, but I’m so sorry you experienced that from your father. The things our parents say tend to stick around a while in our heads (my egg donor said “you’re just like your father!” And slapped me when I replied “good!” lol, I’ll never forget), but know that YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!! no one here would ever say or think that about you, because it’s untrue! You are nowhere near to being a loser and your dad should spend the rest of his life making it up to you imo.
We love you!
💜💜
wtf, i wouldn’t say that to a friend let alone a daughter
you know you’re right , you know they were wrong
but it hurts so bad, hurts because why would they even say that, they are supposed to be kind and supportive, and you know they know how to be supportive because they are to other people
so many many hugs
I know it hurts, I know that having the kindness and support of those we love makes us feel like we can conquer the world but there are times we need to be our own best friend
you have us as your friend and you have yourself, you’re a really good friend
me, my family of origin want me to be loser, they would get angry when I has success of any kind, I lost them instead
🫂💜
Jesus Christ, I’m sorry but a parent should not be calling their child that.
That’s just not right!
People go through different journeys through life to get to where they want, there’s no playbook by any means.
Exactly!
I hope you’re ok coming from this, it did make me pretty angry reading about it, that’s not the way to encourage someone.