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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Quiet_Most6349 on 2023-08-31 10:03:40.

My mom is engaged to Charles and he and his kids (13m, 11f and 9f) moved in with us in February. I (16f) am the only one in the household who isn’t talking about the wedding non-stop. My mom picked up on this a while ago and then she overheard me tell my friend I just wanted it to be over and that I wasn’t excited for the wedding. So she asked if we could talk. It was a difficult conversation. I told my mom that I wasn’t totally happy about the wedding, that it has been difficult for me, with dad, who died when I was 10, being gone and some things that have been said. I told her I was so glad she was happy and I know Charles helped bring her back to herself. The conversation highlighted that I don’t see Charles and his kids as my family and that I’m unsure if I’ll ever consider them in that way.

Some (maybe) relevant info to some of my feelings: When Charles and his kids moved in first, he took me out for pizza and told me he doesn’t want us to be a blended family, he wants us to be just a family. And he doesn’t want to be my stepdad. He wants to be my dad. He said he would do everything for me that he does for his kids and would be there for me always. He said we could start trialing out some dad names for me to call him. I told him I already have a dad and the sentiment was nice and all but I was going to be his stepkid. He really challenged me on why I could only have one dad and why I didn’t want one. It was very uncomfortable for me. He and his kids also tagged along when mom and I went to remember dad on his anniversary, at the diner we went to as a family. His kids talked non-stop about the wedding and we didn’t actually get to talk about dad. Then Charles declared we’d make it a family thing every year and even when mom was like let’s just see, he was like it will be good for bonding. I didn’t like that at all. It was the first time where I went and did a solo thing to remember dad because I hated every second of the diner experience.

Mom wanted us to explore this in family therapy and I asked for it to be just her and me. She was going to say no and then she asked why. I told her I would open up more with just her and a therapist and that I would rather make sure we’re okay, than work on trying to bond me to others right now. I told her I could see that she was hurting that I felt the way I do and I didn’t want our relationship to be ruined by this. Mom agreed for therapy to be just me and her.

We start next week. But Charles doesn’t like that I wanted it to be just mom and me. I think he was a little offended that I feel this way in the first place and then to not want to include him and his kids in family therapy. Mom told him she wished it could be all of us. But she didn’t want to push me away or waste money by taking us all if I would find it difficult to open up around them. Charles told me I was putting my mom in a bad place and I was selfish and he has only ever tried to show me he loves me and will be my dad happily.

AITA?