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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AB789046 on 2023-08-31 19:24:47.

I (36F) have taught kindergarten at a private school for the last 8 years. My wife (38F) and I married 4 years ago and have 18 month old twin girls.

I have always been nervous about people perceiving me differently if they know I am a lesbian so I have never “come out” at work. I thought about doing it when we married and again when we found out we were expecting our daughters but I didn’t want the added stress. It took a difficult IVF process to conceive our daughters and I didn’t want my coworkers potentially negative reactions to take the joy out of the moment. My wife carried our daughters and I took two weeks off after they were born but it was labeled as “personal leave” and I just told my coworkers I was dealing with a family matter. My coworkers and I will socialize somewhat regularly during lunch and school events but I will never mention my personal life. Often times they’ll try to set me up with men they know or ask me if I want children.

Recently my wife and I were talking about how she wants to enrol our daughters in the school I teach at when they are old enough. I then explained how that would create an awkward situation because my coworkers don’t know about our family. This made my wife extremely angry because she was under the impression that I was out to everyone. She believes that me trying to live this sort of “double life” is a sign I am ashamed of our family and is embarrassing to her. She also said she believes it is setting a bad example for our daughters who will one day resent that I kept them a secret.

I don’t know what is the right thing to do. While I can somewhat see where my wife is coming from I also believe that I should have the right to my own privacy. The anti-LGBT rhetoric has only gotten worse in the past year and I think it is possible I will be ostracized by my coworker and the parents of my students. There are currently no openly gay teachers at my school so I’m not sure how it will play out.

AITA for keeping my family a secret to avoid the stress or is it a unreasonable thing to do?