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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/leryliz_ on 2023-09-01 05:32:22.

I (f,28) am married to another woman, Lilly. Lilly and I have been married for about 3 years now, we love each other so much and every day still feels like our first date.

However lately our relationship has been strained because she wants to give our daughter a name that i hate. I am the one who is going to give birth to our baby, however our baby is hers too. Since before we were married, we had agreed that she could name our first baby whatever she wanted, and I would name our second child. She has reviewed baby names and told me about some but I really hadn’t paid much attention until a couple of weeks ago when I was working on something and she was talking to me about the two names she had decided on. She mentioned “Jocelyn” and then I laughed and asked if it was some kind of joke, she asked me why it would be a joke and I understood that she was being so serious.

The problem with “Jocelyn” is that it is the name of the person who bullied me for at least 5 years in a row. It was the kind of situation where your bullies pretend to be your friends and say “it’s all a joke” so many times that even you believe it. I ended up really affected by that whole situation, bullying was practically every day. Jocelyn and other girls made cruel jokes about me, about my weight/body/face, about how “stupid and clumsy” I was. They would open the bathroom door when I was in it and hold it behind it so I couldn’t close it, they would hide my clothes, “punish” me by not talking with me for days until I cried and asked them to stop ignoring me. Cruel things.

I had therapy, and Lilly is aware of this situation, and I thought she understood because she was also bullied when she was a child. I asked her a second time if she was kidding and she said no, she said she had always thought it was a cute name so I said “you know you won’t named my daughter after my bully right?” and she replied that baby was also her daughter, that I should give a new meaning to that name and learn to love it because she had always wanted to name her future daughter that way. She said “consider it, maybe it will heal something in you. We’re not little girls anymore”. The comment bothered me so I told her that there was nothing to consider. We started an argument about this that came to screaming and crying (mostly my crying), then she said she needed air and left the house.

When she came home we were both calmer, we apologized and she promised that she would consider more options if I also considered the name she wants, so I said yes, but I wasn’t going to until we talked (or fought) again last week and she said she was hurt because I didn’t take her opinion into account and just refused, and she wanted me to apologize. She said that I was acting as a child. She also mentioned that I wasn’t a little girl anymore so I should face it and not make a problem out of it. I’ve come to think that I did take it too far and I’m the asshole for clinging too much to the past.