• jack [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    No, there’s nothing inherently pathetic about “virginity” (which is a sus concept). No one’s worth is determined by their sex life, whatever it is. It can certainly make someone feel pathetic to not get the connection with other people they’re looking for, though, and I’m sorry if that’s what you’re dealing with.

  • GaveUp [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    I’m pretty sure this is just

    the virgin post on r/cth

    Please stop making fun of people for being Virgins. It’s tough because I’m a leftist, I love this sub, and I work hard to be a good person and practice good praxis, but I’m also 28 and a virgin. Watching Y’all make fun of people for being virgins or calling people virgins really hurts.

    Posting here on an alt because my normal username can be linked to me in real life, but I post here daily. Most of you have probably upvoted my posts at one point or another. But yeah, I’m old, and I’m a virgin, and while it doesn’t bother me much anymore, it’s really bad praxis to call people virgins as an insult or to make fun of them for being virgins. Incels are bad not because they are virgins but because they just blame women for their cause. Make fun of them for their shitty beliefs, not because they are virgins.

    I think for a lot of us we still hold on to the capitalist idea of success that has been handed to us. That we need to have money and a job and a partner and kids and all that to be seen as good. And that’s not possible for a lot of us. I know that’s not possible for me I’ve been unemployed for years at this point. So we make fun of them for believing in the system but still not having it. I think it’s right when people point out here that the things a lot of the alt-right are mad about are rightful things to be mad about. It’s just that they then blame them on the (((globalists))) and muslims and immigrants and SJWs when really it’s capitalism and actual rich people.

    But seriously, that’s all I have to say. Please think before using virgin as an insult. It’s just a state of being, that of having not had sex, and every single one of you were a virgin at some point in time. Thanks for reading. I love all y’all anyway.


    • usernamesaredifficul [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      9 months ago

      also making fun of male virginity (I don’t think this is as much of an issue for women I could be wrong of course) is very linked with the attitude that “sex at any cost with no concern for who your partner is” is an expected way to behave from men which is very linked to incel ideas and rape culture.

      These are not good cultural ideas and we shouldn’t be peddling them. Also its literally no one elses business what people do with their private sex lives

  • Mindfury [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    no, it’s not. obsessing over it is though.

    don’t worry, when you turn 32 and are married, you won’t be having sex anymore either grillman ahyuck hyuck

  • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    nah, sex is just ok tbh, even when i have sex with my sex god it isnt like, life changing. healthy relationships have plenty of solo time. if you feel pressured to have sex, remember that that is society being very creepy.

    cuddles are better comfy

  • UlyssesT [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    When I lost my virginity, the first and most powerful epiphany from that experience, right after the afterglow wore off, was the following:

    “All right, now what?”

    It feels like a big deal until you have sex. Then it’s just a lot of pent up expectations and frustration left behind and you just continue with what you were already doing.

    Don’t let anyone bully you into feeling “pathetic” or whatever because of their own preoccupation with a score card.

    Look at “RooshV.” He’s BAAANGED (in most cases, coercively or violently) scores of women and he’s a pathetic loser that no one, not even nazis, wants to hang out with.

  • HumanBehaviorByBjork [any, undecided]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    No. It’s statistically unusual. It may be the result of difficulty socializing. But it’s not in itself pathetic. If that’s something you want to change, there are ways to go about it. It’s certainly not easy to subject yourself to the horror of intimacy, but I think facing that difficulty head on with clear vision instead of pretending that it’s actually easy and there’s something inherently wrong with you is a good place to start.

  • forcequit [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    Sex is kinda overrated, or at least put on this stupid pedestal above other things. Easy to say if you’ve had sex though I suppose?

    It’s far from pathetic to have not had sex though tbh. Equally, don’t place too much/any value in virginity or abstinence either, but like, ehh?

    tldr no it’s not pathetic, but worrying too much over it might be at a certain point

    • Frank [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.net
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      9 months ago

      I would say it’s not so much overrated as it is that most people don’t read theory and don’t spend enough time practicing to develop mastery. Sex is like any other skill - you need lots of practice and experimentation to get really good at it. You’ve got to read theory and keep up with the current literature. You’ve got to consult with experts who are bringing forth new innovations.

      In my experience most people are just kind of there and have never really put any thought in to getting good at sex, and that leads to a lot of mediocre sex.

  • NephewAlphaBravo [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    9 months ago

    Nah, shit happens when it happens. It’s bad for your mental health to pin your worth to something that requires another person’s participation, because you wind up getting down on yourself for other people’s actions that you can’t control. Instead, if it’s important to you that you try, then continuing to try should be the goal.

  • LiberalSoCalist
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    9 months ago

    AMAB and also late 20s bloomer - no, not at all. My first time only solidified my suspicion that I was probably ace, but even so I empathize with the anxiety and self-esteem issues that come with the territory. Not feeling wanted or desired feels bad, and I wouldn’t look down on that (unless it’s accompanied by reactionary baggage).