I’ve just imagined a colony of them just chilling underneath my mattress and noped out of it.

You can’t even “deprive them of food” like one would address cockroaches and rats (like secure and seal the hell out of any food, make sure that food crumbs are properly disposed of, etc) because we are their food. Is there even a benefit to having them around, because if there isn’t, we probably should just eradicate them.