SO many math tests where I gave 100 % correct answers but only made the first 60 %. I didn’t even know this was related. Maybe the teachers should have investigated this further. Because it’s odd, isn’t it? If I were just bad at math, I’d either make many mistakes, or cherry-pick parts of the tests that I can do. But not do the first 60 % and then stop due to time running out. They should also have gotten the hint when they could always ask me something in class and I would know.

This went on at university (which I never finished) and certifications (still passed, because they typically have passing scores of 50 - 70 %).

Engineered staple foods (such as Jimmy Joy, Huel, …) really took the pressure off for me. I can still cook or make something else, but having this very decent fallback plan puts me at ease.

Relatable. Fuzzing around going to an appointment early in the morning with poor preparation is one of the worst things about it. Being in place X at time Y, having packed A,B,C and being showered and dressed appropriately is something I’m struggling with. For decades, I thought the reason was that I’m just an assclown.

A typical day can feel like a series of appointments, to which I show up late, unshowered and sweaty, stammering my excuses, getting scolded and doing some kind of sad clown performance.

A perspective that helps me sometimes: It’s all just a quest to keep the pets alive and well, in a world of arbitrary rules and events.

Regarding the specific water bottle thing: The only thing that helps me is to place these things BLOCKING the door.

But indeed, Modafinil got me in a state where I could handle normal everyday things like that with ease like normal people. Had to stop it due to handling side effects poorly and hoping for new meds next month. Try to find the right thing for your specific situation. Like others pointed out, it might be an anti-depressant, can’t tell from just one text.

Over the years, I actually managed to change my inner monologue narrative. When a day like yours happens, I pat myself on the back and say: Pretty impressive how you pushed to the absolute personal limit, even towards a goal that turned out to be too high.

Dishwasher is really crucial. I knew that and wanted one for 20 years, but, well, ADHD. Finally 2 years ago got my first 0-installation dish washer, one of those small ones where you can just pour the water in. When it broke, I got a small real one. Installation required a little more mental energy, but so worth it.

I’m currently shooting low, and one pomodoro unit per day already makes a productive day. So much better than nothing! I think of it like squid game: I got 50 minutes to study, then they shoot the ones with the least knowledge on the subject. That means no glance at the phone even when it makes a sound, no toilet breaks, no water breaks (water that is in direct reach may be used while one hand is free).

If I had done even 25 minutes per day after official education, I’d be such an expert 15 years later!

My current goal is to become an absolute unit within 8 years. My CV looks like one, but I’m not.

I realised just after decades that some things that tend to fly around all the time over and over again have no defined place. My solution: There needs to be an all-default trunk. Old rubber bands, Covid tests, screws from an old laptop I’ll totally reassemble one day, socks with holes that are not broken enough to throw away, …

Also, recycling is nice in general, but in a cleaning frenzy, all garbage needs to go into the bag. If future-self wants to recycle, have fun with the bag in the basement.

It works!

Thanks! For my kid, I gamify it up a notch: His life works on “quests” such as 10 minute room cleaning, letter to a grandparent, 10 minute reading, homework etc., for which he gains loot boxes. Those are little physical boxes containing a made-up currency and other small rewards such as candy, 5 cents - $ 1 real money (his only way to get allowance!), stickers etc. The made-up currency can buy prices such as puzzles, books, toys. About 2 - 3 times per year, there is a legendary coin in it which can be traded for a huge price worth $ 50 - $ 100.

Not sure if saving him or messing up his reward system, but the stuff gets done and he’s doing great!

Thanks, hope that helps OP! Paroxetine also comes close, at least. Prescribed against both depression AND anxiety. My feeling that it works against ADHD is anecdotal, though, as it started a massive productivity phase with no problems to balance workout, family and a challenging job, but one quick search finds this: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16669726/

Paroxetine had no effect on ADHD.

Light alarm clock sure is a game changer. Isn’t there something that is primarily an anti-depressant, but also works with panic disorder and ADHD? I just know that there are many where 2 of the 3 overlap. But sure, a stimulant would be bad for you.

I have strangely also been in states, over years, where caffeine induces panic. In hindsight, it might have been as simple as a magnesium deficit, but no doctor bothered to check.

I’ve even had benzo prescriptions over years, and cut it down to 0 with relatively high magnesium supplements. Not saying it is the same in your case, extremely unlikely even, just the general concept that something has been missed.

Chaining dozens of coping methods together helps a little bit, including:

• strictly working with lists. When I do it and it’s not on the list & checked off, it doesn’t count as done. What’s not on the list doesn’t get done
• implementation intention: Since my brain refuses “must do now” situations, use a trigger like: “If it’s not done by 8 p.m., work on it with a stopwatch for 15 minutes”
• for the list, turn everything into a module. Instead of “do the kitchen”, have subitems like “collect all garbage”, “sort by food / non-food”, “clean surface 1/2/3/floor”. For studying & work, a module is always 25 or 50 minutes of full focus, no distractions. When I have to get up to get water or pee, it counts as failed and is not checked off

Yay, life on hard mode.

Take into account that Modafinil is very unsafe in combination with many other drugs, such as all benzos. I don’t know how much time you need to be safe, but I’d wait at least a whole day (48 hours after taking Modafinil) before using something that is definitely unsafe with it.

Did you also get it through a EU prescription from a semi-shady, but legal site?

The splitting advice is correct in theory; it can become instant-release and thus briefly stronger, even dangerous. But in this case I trust my belief over science that trying 1 % - 5 % first is always the safer option. Splitting a slow-release by 50 % - that might cause this problem, yes.

There is also the theoretical possibility that the active component(s) are not evenly distributed. Even a split marker is supposedly not safe, only instructions that say so. But - doubt

I can see it

Interesting, I’m also like that with many meds. Currently using Modafinil, and it’s the same there. 1/4 or 1/2 was the right dose for me initially, now I can take a whole one. Supposed dose is two whole ones, always, from the start.

Many meds come with an insanely high dosage. The worst is Venlafaxine - the smallest dose give many people a terrifying inner pain that lasts for a long time, easily the worst day of your entire year. Against all recommendations, I now start with like 5 - 10 % of any new stuff, and only if that has no effect at all, I go for like 50 %. With Modafinil, that method proved already quite daring.

What’s your experience with Modafinil? I find that it works pretty well, but I am working on getting alternatives to try soon.

I also felt bad about it for a while. I’m a scientist by heart, 100 %, and I knew I had the intellect to get a degree. I thought the reason why I didn’t anyway was because I was also some kind of assclown.

Fortunately, my degree attempt coincided with a useful obsession, for a change: My old programming hobby. The obsession ended like all the others, but the knowledge that stuck from going 14 hours per day was enough to get food on the table for decades to come.

It’s just now that I realise I never was an assclown, and I never “decided” to quit my degree. It was ADHD, and I never stood a chance, not with “discipline” or just “deciding” alone. Knowing it, with treatment plus self-acquired methods & tricks, it would have been an option back then, and maybe I’ll go for it again, if time allows.

Pushing yourself is good, but it needs to be a “relative” push based on your ability. Could be 5 hours of hard studying / cleaning / whatever for some. For others, or the same person on a different day, getting one bag of garbage and filling it, or studying 25 minutes is already the best.

Your post is a good start to collect ideas for moving forward, at your own pace. It won’t be easy, but your situation is objectively not as bad as it feels to you. Maybe it can be a small step towards improving your condition?

I was just thinking how at times where I used it, I was much better at detecting and avoiding inappropriate / cringe behaviour on my part. Even when looking back at times where I took a break.

Just imagination from overthinking? I think I’m just terrible at it, and overthinking is just the right amount of thinking for me.

Currently using Modafinil, which is rather bad on side effects and risks, hoping for an upgrade next month. So I had to work with that.

The Plan: Use it on about 50 days per year, and make them count. E. g. not on days full with unproductive meetings, but when I have a clear task and time to execute it. A task with high visibility. It’ll look to others as if I were rolling 200 days like that.

The only way I can picture this: Face the talker, lean forward at the hip joint as far as balance allows, rotate both arms like V-22 Osprey propellers, mouth wide open without making a sound.

Why must I be a Jar Jar type? Why can’t I be a Doc Brown ADHD type?

Reminds me of this “Life and times of Tim” episode where he just wants to buy some weed, and he knows a guy already, but it turns into this insane circus where he has to watch bad alternative theatre for hours, and one wrong comment about it cancels the whole deal: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3bop1d