Or a piece an’ Macaroni Pie. Carb in Carb in Carb. I’m sure you could get the pie battered too in the right chip shop.

Unfortunately it is not going.

He needs to have an expert check the moovement.

Yeah, that was me. It wasn’t a completely serious entry (generally opposed to AI ‘art’ but I didn’t own the rights to any real images of sewage dumping).

Thoughts and prayers.

Title of my sex tape.

Voice controlled lifts?

What? Couldn’t he find a kitten? Weak. Low energy.

t’s unclear who is behind the placement of the monoliths. A New Mexico artist collective claimed responsibility years ago.

Right.

Well then.

I’ve always been irresistible to the ‘ladies’.

In the company of my family, I can only find some small comfort in the evident fact that I protect them by being so fucking delicious that the little flying bastards are gagging for a piece of me and so ignore them. And no, I am not prepared to be a ritual sacrifice for you and yours as well. Fuck, I hate the midges.

Oh, yeah, baby. That looks glorious. We’ve had rain and I’m just doing a trad. roast chicken dinner.

To add: this is what I had for lunch today: Jacob’s cream crackers, Nairn’s oatcakes, Double Gloucester and Lancashire Blacksticks Blue - served with celery, pickled shallots, and a nice red apple.

Disappointed with the headline writers for including ‘Man named…’

Don’t they know how to clickbait?

Yup. Carrs or Jacob’s or oatcakes with any decent cheese is a good snack.

There’s a sort of jokey tradition in UK pubs that when the bar is busy and you go up to order your drinks you should always shout “I was here first, you wanker!” at the barman / barmaid as they serve each person before you. It’s just one of those funny traditions that kills every time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWBjwgxEawo

Closet racists friends with open racists shocker! Film at eleven! Now here’s a word from our sponsors…

Cue the Danish Samyang Challenge on social media. Packets will sell for increasing amounts on eBay or whatever with ‘I can take it’ vikings eager to prove their manliness (or womanliness) by consuming the noodles on TikTok.

Runequest: Oh dear, my left leg’s come off!

Right. Good. Ok. I’ll be sure to follow his advice next time I decide to hit myself with a hammer.