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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 20th, 2023

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  • Oh for sure. I’ll hyper focus on something and become obsessed with it. Then when I pull the trigger on it the fear that I’ve made a poor choice will begin to build. I’m kind of dealing with that with my return to Warhammer 40,000 (40k is the common abbreviation). Sucks because nothing wrong with my choice persay but I also want to do this other stuff instead. Literally debated for about two months before making the choice and still feel like I picked wrong. Oh well -_-





  • Up and down. Anxiety, at least one auto immune disorder (likely another one or two since I have like no energy fairly often), no job (see: anxiety), no friends (see: everything else), and when I stop and let the thoughts start up or if something really sets me back I spiral into a depressive hole. All and all it’s okay right now. Everything sucks but I’m making the best of it and most days are more middle ground than anything. Thankfully I live with my mom and she is supportive of me and just wants to help me find happiness (she sees it as repaying a shitty childhood). I try to not abuse her generosity so I cook for her and help her with stuff.


  • Last year I suffered a lot of social loss and had become extremely isolated due to it. Over the last year I’ve been trying to do more of me and found a lot more good in my life while doing that. I’m still extremely isolated outside of interacting with my mom but it doesn’t bother me like it once did. So now I do the things I want to do when I want to do them and not waste time and/or energy looking for friends, groups, etc (especially when they’ll ditch me later and destroy my life in the process, this has happened with every friend/group my entire 40 years of living).

    Basically I’m doing me and it’s been really nice. I’m getting back into Warhammer 40,000 (40k), enjoying my time in World of Warcraft, and all around much happier while doing many of my previous activities like watching anime.



  • For me a lot of meltdowns feel like spiraling. Unable to communicate how I feel, feeling alone/separated, racing thoughts that run the gamete from anxious to depressing. Typically I want to reach out and connect to someone but I can’t and that makes it worse somehow. It’s scary to deal with especially as a lot of it feels so irrational yet it has a real impact.




  • Always blows my mind that people act like covid is no big deal. Still masking in public, doing everything I can to avoid catching it. Caught it after 3 years when my mom brought it into the home. Didn’t realize I had it till the long covid symptom hit: I can’t eat without having to cough. That’s the best way I can describe it. It’s annoying on the best days and causes vomiting on the worst (the amount of coughing causes the vomiting).

    Fuck covid and all of the people acting like it’s no big deal. Normal is never coming back for me. I’m just another person fallen through the cracks of a life heavily impacted by covid (and the shit ass US healthcare system to various degrees).








  • No experience with that book, but a lot of literature has autistim coded characters. Lot, well sort of, debate in the Warhammer 40k communities about a fair number of autism coded characters there. I can’t remember who all they’ve said since I avoid a lot of the conversations but if I remember right a fair number of Space Marines, and their ‘traitor’ brethren are ‘autistic’.