I’ll counter with the point that there’s nothing preventing someone from moving to another instance if they don’t like the defederation practices of the one they’re on.

There’s sure to be at least one that doesn’t care to defederate from anyone and/or one that only does so under the most severe circumstances. Worst case if you can not find one that suits your positions on defederation you can always start up your own.

Personally I’m inclined to think of the people in control of the federation keys as bouncers, keeping me from having to deal with the unsightly/undesirable/what have you.

If every time you go to (neighboring town) someone shoots at your tires, you stop going, right? But those (neighborhood town)ers really like shooting your tires so when you stop showing up, they come looking for you. How are you supposed to keep them away? But everyone’s threshold is different. Some people may not mind their tires being shot at, those (neighboring town)ers are just expressing their freedoms. Others are uncomfortable with their tires being looked at weird. It doesn’t make any part of the spectrum right or wrong, but different people have different wants and needs. It’s no more fair for you to expect others to deal with their tires getting weird looks than it is for them to prevent you from getting yours shot.

That’s how the splintering can be best for everyone. No one is forced anywhere they don’t want to be. Whether an instance defederates too much or too little for you, you can pick up and move with very little effort.

They look damn good that way too

But by that hardware on your legs in not sure you’re the one “letting” them