Yeah, libraries are so deceitful! It’s all a big conspiracy to promote literacy and give people books that they don’t even need!!! I can’t believe they’re forcing us to take advantage of them like this!

“Finally! A pizza! I’m SO sick of virgins!”

I’m here. I don’t know about everybody else though.

I mean, did you see the siding on that house? It was totally asking for it.

Nice! 👍

I was invited to attend the introverted procrastinators meeting… Maybe someday.

I can’t even tell you how many times I tried to put together a big event and had two or three people there.

For my 21st birthday, I didn’t even do the planning, my best friend had invited all our favorite people that we worked with and went to school with. He made plans for someone to drive us around and a list of the local bars that he wanted me to visit. In the end, it was me, that friend, and my girlfriend. We sat in a dive bar for about two hours until my girlfriend took us home because she wasn’t feeling great and didn’t drink.

That’s probably not even the worst one. I’ve had so many nights just sitting and waiting for everyone to arrive only to entertain the same two people that I hang out with every day.

I don’t have any great tips for you, because I don’t try to do things like that anymore, but I understand how you feel, and it just really sucks. Sorry it fell apart like that. Take a day to focus on you and I hope you feel better.

I’m not expecting a revolution, but I don’t think they’ll get any worse.

Oh no! She’s gone full macaron!

I finally understand what they mean by “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.”

This morning I woke up in rainy PA.

Right now, at 9pm, I am in Texas. Its 86° and it feels amazing!

The brain of Theseus!

Yeah, if it was just him walking in the door, with “I’ll teach him a lesson!” that would at least be the punchline, but her line just takes the edge off of the impact of his line, and makes me think there’s new, more interesting information about to come, but nope, that’s it.

Everett knows how it’s done, but the Duffs haven’t figured out the science of comedy yet.

Thanks for joining me in this century old comic critique! 😂

Its like playing paintball in a church.

Not gonna lie, that sounds pretty cool.

What the fuck are you going on about?

Yes! They’re like shiny little purple crows! You think a murder of crows is cool? How about a plague of grackles!

Ok. 🤷🏻‍♂️ It’ll be at the impound lot.

As a teen, I was told that playing Mortal Kombat would turn me into a serial killer. Now, as an adult with kids (one of which is an adult) I’m happy to report that I’m probably one of the most docile people you’ll meet.

(Unless someone seriously hurts my family and/or cats.)

I used to have fun with Call of Duty, and I never saw it as “I am a soldier and I must kill these people.” Every game needs a theme, and that just happened to be it. I just saw it as a competition of dexterity and strategy. Whether it’s soldiers with guns or a yellow circle munching on ghosts, it’s all just tapping buttons at the right time.

The reasons I quit playing CoD were because I got sick of buying the same game every year, and as I got older, I couldn’t keep up with the kids. During the 12-25 year old range, your reaction time is WAY better than any other time.

I’m just hoping I remember who I am when I’m 90.

What’s going on with the Duffs Strip?

I get that dad walks in thinking “how dare that teacher”, and then realizes the kid was the asshole, and Mom stops him and says it’ll all work out.

Is there a punchline? Is it continued in tomorrow’s paper? It just seems like four frames of wasted space with no pay off.