I bought an emulation handheld so I’m revisiting my past.
Played Codenames with friends at the bar yesterday. It’s a fun and frustrating came of word association.
Going to try to get the handheld set up on the TV for “level or life” shenanigans later in the week. If not, there’s an agility game where you stack little plastic chairs that is more fun than it has any right to be after a few.
One of my favourite pastas-
DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! Before shaving your ass hair, READ THIS
STOP! Before you do, read this. You may change your mind.
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with somepaper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poop -molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.
As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: “It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.” Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.
Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad.
Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends-DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
My dad went from militant anti-thiest to parroting christo-fascist talking points about 'wokeness" surprisingly quickly.
I guess the common through line is bigotry. Whether it’s directed at Christians, Muslims, women, gays or trans, it is all the same to him.
It still seems strange to me that he’ll hate on the church, and then go carry its water in hate campaign anyways.
That sucks, I hope this isn’t a statement about the “Mini-Pc” market in general. I’ve been thinking about getting one as a “Steam machine/ emulation station” for a long time but the stars never really lined up.
I’ve got a full sized PC in the front room getting long in the tooth and looking ridiculous that could easily be replaced. But while the 970 still plays Dave the Diver, well there’s other shit money can be spent on.
Wasn’t meant as a reply, pressed the wrong thing, my bad
I knew there was a reason you were sending me pics ;)
When we Eiffel tower Wigglehard do you want the front or the back end?
Wigglehard made random fantasies about me too. What are you imagining me wearing while you imagine me painting my nails pink?
Yes, we went down this conversation tree. Wigglehard was really struggling with his self confidence, I don’t know why you keep throwing him under the bus like this.
I guess you have no new conversation prompts, so I’m gonna go.
Wigglehard tried the “you’re mad” thing too. You NPCs really just follow the same script huh?
We were talking about how you were the embodiment of the meme above, then you proved you were the embodiment of the meme above. Anything to add?
Ahhh that’s why you still do the “unnecessary grammer corrections on the internet” thing. That stopped being a thing before OP stopped being a “bundle of sticks”.
I love this instance, watching the heads explode is always a good time. Thank you
Nice deflection.
Either your confirming I’m not a Nazi because you’re arguing with me. Or, you read this book.
I guess it’s the first because you called me a “commie” earlier. So thanks, I guess? Wierd compliment but I’ll take it.
Hey, you really are the meme above.
Yeah, Wigglehard was reading those teenage magazines that destroyed his self confidence, I was building him up a bit. Poor thing.
Nice deflection btw
Aww, someone feels called out.
I just checked, it was your post! That’s hilarious.
Incase the link doesn’t work, it’s an exploding-heads post comparing Democrats to Nazis. Because to exploding-heads there are two political positions: theirs and Nazi.
I know, why didn’t the beehaw mods consult you before they decided their names?! How selfish of them!
In lieu of a better source I found this BuzzFeed News article with the Google search “Raspberry pi mastodon controversy”. Though I admit I had no idea what op might be talking about until this moment. Some zingers by BF in there though:
She added, “I don’t think any of the people complaining here would not call the police if their house was burgled.” When BuzzFeed News pointed out that police don’t surveil burglars, Upton agreed that’s true.
Class.
Johnathan Strange and Mr Norrell. After that book I gave myself permission to DNF though, so it was a maturing experience for me. I mostly wanted to know what happened to Stephen and that’s what drove me, along with the “No mere book shall defeat me” attitude.
I really enjoyed all of the Fae short stories actually. I’m not really a horror fan, but I found Fae, and mortals interaction with it, particularly gripping and memorable. I never put the book down when I was in Fae, trapping me along with the victims, perhaps that’s why I wanted Stephen to just be ok.
It was just everything else in the book I couldn’t enjoy. The titular characters I found uninteresting. The setting, fae excluded, I was apathetic about. The structure, the footnotes, dear god the footnotes.
But the Fae stuff? I’ll take 10 more of them in an anthology please.
https://lemmy.ml/pictrs/image/R0jvd1Ck4y.jpg
Link is broken? Here’s a Google one:
I got the 35xx set up too. That and a Steam Deck seems to be the dream for full emulation + indie, which is all I play anymore. But, it’s £X00 away which could be better spent.