Wertheimer [any]

  • 67 Posts
  • 515 Comments
Joined 4 years ago
Cake day: July 27th, 2020
  • Wertheimer [any]@hexbear.nettoneurodiverse@hexbear.net•UNMASKING AUTISM BOOK CLUB: INTRODUCTIONEnglish
    6·
    5 months ago

    This book has already changed, and may have saved, my life. Since I made my previous post about it I’ve consulted two of my oldest friends - one just finished reading, the other is now starting - and they agree that I’m probably Autistic, even though they say it had never occurred to them before. All three of us had serious misconceptions about what Autism is, and this book has been profoundly illuminating for all of us.

    What interested you in this book club?

    It was @Pixel_Juicer@hexbear.net 's post here that really started not only clearing up some misconceptions but also ringing some bells. And then other posts, especially from @FourteenEyes@hexbear.net and @ReadFanon@hexbear.net , pointed me toward Unmasking Autism in particular. And here I thought the first Hexbear-approved book I was going to read this year was Clara Mattei’s The Capital Order.

    Are you neurodiverse? Do you know someone who is?

    Yes - I have severe migraines, which are not only neurological but have also caused enough other problems that I think they qualify as neurodiversity. I also have depression. And lately I’ve been having serious trouble dealing with the neurotypicals, which is why I started having more questions and reading threads like this one, so I hope that anyone else reading this who has trouble understanding why their life is the way it is will also read this book.

    What stood out to you about the introduction? Any choice quotes? Anything you relate to?

    In the introduction, the line that hooked me was “I seemed to be broken in ways I couldn’t explain, but which everyone else could see at a glance.”

    For the full book, the most important thing for me was the discussion of autistic burnout. That rang more bells than Quasimodo, and figuring out how to better avoid it (and the ensuing migraine clusters that absolutely annihilate me) is why I think my life is about to seriously change for the better. (Might get worse, first, but.) Comrades, I don’t know that I have ever felt hope like this before. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone here.

  • Wertheimer [any]@hexbear.nettoneurodiverse@hexbear.net•Anyone here, have you had any success using your mental health/ neurodiversity to claim short term disability when needed?English
    6·
    5 months ago

    Are you in the U.S.?

    I am on long-term SSI for a lifelong neurological problem. It took them . . . I think it was five months to approve my case. First I had a very long interview (almost exclusively about finances) at the Social Security Office. Later they got paperwork from my doctor, and then sent me to a doctor of their own to give me a perfunctory examination.

    A friend was on (usually short-term?) SSDI for depression and alcoholism. I think it would have been hard to deny given his number of rehab stints and one lengthy hospitalization. I don’t know as much about how his process went or how long it took to approve (and he’s dead now, so I can’t ask). If you have a decent work history you’ll probably be going through SSDI.

    A lot of sites will tell you to contract a lawyer, but although they say they’re free they might take a percentage of whatever tiny amount you end up getting, so if you have the medical documentation I would save the lawyer for if you need to appeal.

  • Wertheimer [any]@hexbear.nettoneurodiverse@hexbear.net•Reading material on how to structure a romantic relationship with autism?English
    4·
    5 months ago

    There’s a chapter on it in Gillan Drew’s An Adult With an Autism Diagnosis: A Guide for the Newly Diagnosed. The author is autistic, and so is his wife.

    Libgen

    Edit -

    I really appreciated the end of this paragraph.

    We can have a similarly different understanding of romantic relationships. People with autism can think that the only difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship is that in the former, you have sex. This makes sense from a purely quantitative view, but it misses the point that sexual relationships are meant to be deeper, more intimate and emotional, than friendships. We can fail to understand that the other person wants us to ask how their day was, and to make them feel special and significant, and all the things that neurotypical people often expect as a matter of course. We often don’t spontaneously share our thoughts, experiences and emotions with the other person as is common in a romantic relationship, and can come across as careless of the other person’s needs. It is not that we dismiss the other person’s needs – it is that sometimes we aren’t even aware that they have needs, and so are blissfully unaware that we are omitting to do something. Furthermore, we think that loving someone is enough, and don’t realize we have to outwardly demonstrate that love. For example, I found with my girlfriends, and now with my wife, that women in relationships require occasional ‘love tokens’ in the form of gifts of flowers or love notes to emphasize that you love them. From an intellectual point of view, I struggle to understand how spending money on flowers that will be dead in a few days is more an expression of love than the fact that I’m married to her, but such outward demonstrations are something we can learn how to do.

    See also the chapter “At Home With Autism,” which discusses common problems with housemates / partners living together / etc.