hatemyhair [none/use name, des/pair]
A
- 3 Posts
- 18 Comments
12·8 months ago
65·8 months agoCritical support to Texas for opening a new front against the empire.
Saudi Arabia literally assassinated the previous president of Yemen in the Houthi-led administration. In a drone strike, no less. Didn’t work! Then they proceeded to bomb the President’s public state funeral procession weeks later. Didn’t work either!
I managed to text a girl that I have a crush like simple stuff like “hi” and “how are you” and some other simple stuff but i couldn’t text more stuff and it was just that I simply just couldn’t text more
I really feel like I have this mental block to talk to people like I can literally feel it, it sucks.
I really wish I could just talk to people and also being able to say to some disgusting dude bothering the shit out of me to fuck off.
2·9 months agoyea pretty much that.
The more that I feel like the new me the more i feel like the old me just the same feelings again nothing changed just more anxiety now I guess due to my new gender identity BUT there’s this one feeling way deeper in there of relief the feeling of “at least people not going to call by my old name anymore at least people are going to see me as something different now something bad or good it doesn’t matter at least they not going to see me as the way people would see old me”.
Someone recently posted here about their transition and told how they are not feeling bad things and have like supporting family and friends and a partner and just made cry so hard my transition is only pain and bad feelings got no supporting family (my dad came screaming at me at Christmas eve saying a bunch of transphobic shit my sister is like a femcell terf that think I just some weirdo) got no friends because I lived isolation for such a long time because of bullying, abuse and assault now I can’t barely talk to people and no partner only a broken heart I’m so fucking alone.
7·9 months agothe thing is that i was living in isolation even pre covid like since when i was a teen up to now in my all most 30 years old
its very bad
I have so much regret for living in isolation for such a long time like fr isolation it’s so bad to a person it wrecks your social side and your self esteem it’s so bad
6·9 months agoI’m just to sad to sleep this sucks so much, why I’m such a loser I can’t take it being a loser anymore.
i just cant take being alone and isolated anymore its becoming unbearable even worst now that i got heartbroked again
i really did not know that transition would hurt like this fr i guess this is what happens when you have a bunch of unresolved traumas and insecurities, like srsly it hurts so bad 
Caterpillar
i really did not know that those iof tractors are made by that brand Caterpillar they even got in some trouble with the UN because of that
Death to America
I'm so massive sad and depressed
I just want to end it I got no friends no people I can trust no affection no love stuck in this dark room in a haunted apartment that gives people anxiety owned by my transphobic distant father also was hanging out with this awesome girl but as always I failed I just wanna be able to say to someone that I like them I just wanna be able to be functional I just wanna have a grain o happiness I don’t want to be alone I don’t want to isolate myself again and again already did that so much for years when I was a teen I just don’t I want to feel loser anymore and like me the girl we are still friends but I don’t want that I want to be happy with her and like I didn’t got rejected I just didn’t say anything because I have so much fucking trauma with stuff like this and so much bad people gave me the most toxic advice related to relationships and that destroyed my brain because I know those advices are bad but I internalized all that stuff and every time I engage with relationships I just so scared of acting like that bad people of my life and also being SA as kid it created so much trauma related to intimacy and stuff like I can’t give a hug I feel so bad because of that and then I just get angry and hateful for all the bad people in my life that used me, humiliated me, bullied me abused of me I then I just feel stuck in this forever I just want to end this shit
Managed to include my social name in like my official government documents today and like I not jumping with happiness and I feel like I need to do that but there’s some bad stuff happening I’m my life related to my trauma with relationships but still, i feel like now I have a small space to breath at least just wish I wasn’t doing all of this alone.
Death to America.
