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Cake day: August 8th, 2024

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  • If you don’t have access to therapy, reach out to as many like-minded people as possible. A burden shared is a burden halved. I mean it, better to trauma dump on Lemmy than to let it ferment inside you.

    Besides that, keep asking yourself what you need, and do it honestly, openly and with grace. I mean in the here-and-now, immediate things which you could do for yourself. There is no wrong answer to this question, anything which gives you something concrete which to grip for a while is good enough, even if it’s binging a comfort show or stewing in a warm bath. Plus asking yourself what you need will bring you closer to yourself over time, which may mitigate things a bit.

    And that’s all these are, to be clear, they’re mitigation tactics, but I’ve found that depression is one of those illnesses which need to have both their core cause and the symptoms kept in check at the same time. We do need to push through depression a bit, yes, but I’ve found that just means presenting some opposition to the incoming tide of ennui, not giving ourselves anxiety attacks over unreasonable standards and goals.

    And try to join a community when you feel that you can, even if you don’t feel that you have the motivation. I’ve started looking into volunteer work and civic action groups, and even just seeing that there still are people who’re trying to do some rational damage control and to improve things has lifted my spirits a bit. I imagine actually joining in would remunerate tenfold, and the work never hurts, either.

    To be clear, I don’t think I’m depressed right now, but I most certainly have been through what you’re describing, and these are the things I now wish I knew to do back then.




  • Disclaimer: I’m midway through my coffee, so I apologise if this ends up meandering toward a point.

    First off, I’m sorry you’re going through depression, it’s draining and it sure seems to have done a number on you.

    Secondly, yeah, it’s a pretty bad sign… But it’s a bad sign which can serve as a wake-up call, depending on how you look at it and how you choose to react.

    I can understand how frustrated and spent one can feel while going through it. It drains not only social batteries, but emotional ones as well, making it really easy to lash out at others out of pain. Your example seems to fit. But there are other ways to go about it. I know it’s hard to make an extra push when all you seem to be doing is pushing that boulder uphill all day long, but you have to realise that, unless your friends are toxic and abusive (which they don’t seem to be from what you’ve offered) thus basically one of the reasons which keep you stuck in depression, they’re not to blame for it (and if they are, you should be reconsidering your friendship with them in the first place).

    As such, it’s unfair to react aggressively toward them for trying to socialise with you. They’re just trying to do what friends do, to connect and be with you. In this case specifically, it sounds to me that you had an expectation about how your friends should approach these attempts at interacting with you, but you’ve not said anything about communicating it to your friends before reacting to a perceived disrespect of said expectation. What your friend did is a pretty natural and normal reaction when faced with random hostility from others. They are not obligated to just sit there and take it because you’re friends, it’s quite the opposite of what a friendship is supposed to be.

    So, now it’s up to you to choose how to deal with it. If you’d want to try to salvage the friendship and maintain it from now on, my advice for this would be really taking some time for yourself for a week or two, disconnect from socials and try to do some digging around how you’re feeling and why, to put things in perspective for yourself. And keep it contained, give yourself a set deadline, because isolation and depression are best friends…

    Before that, though, I’d recommend writing out a short and sincere apology letter to the one who blocked you. If you have no way of otherwise reaching out to her digitally, make it a physical letter and actually deliver it. Tell her how you’ve been feeling - be honest and open about it, really - and inform her of your planning to take some time for yourself and be specific about the amount. Even if you’ll end up needing more time for yourself, it’s better to communicate an extension than to leave it vague from the start.

    The most important aspect of the above is not expecting a reconciliation. Apologise for the sake of it if you do feel inclined to apologise, but your friend is now fully within her right to decide for herself whether or not she wants to give you a second chance. And regardless of what happens with this friendship, try to keep in mind what I said about people not being to blame for how depression makes us feel, and I mean with everyone. Again, if they’re toxic, the priority should be establishing boundaries and increasing the distance between you, but that’s a different situation.

    Also, always keep in mind that human beings absolutely suck at mind reading, so you’ll need to communicate expectations from the start. You really don’t need to feel bad about setting expectations, because relationships are a two-player game at a minimum and the other person can always choose their own reaction. But it’s important that you contextualise yourself for them, tell them what works and what doesn’t work for you, what you need and don’t need, the works. And it’s 100% ok if you need some space, or some time to yourself, or you’re not in the mood to chat right then and there, or you have other things going, but it’s essential that you communicate that. The only type of bad texter is the texter who doesn’t communicate their pattern (or lack thereof). A short “can’t talk now, will drop a line when able” is more than enough to call a break.

    As a side note, the other end isn’t much better in terms of maintaining relationships, and I’m referring to the vanishing act. That’s the one I used to pull back in my early twenties when dragging myself through depression, I’d just vanish off social media and would not respond to anyone for months. They even used to joke that they were placing bets on whether or not I was still alive “this time,” which is just as cruel a thing to do to people who are invested in your wellbeing…

    You messed up. And it’s ok that you did, seriously. It’s how we calibrate ourselves to the world around us. The important thing is what we learn from messing up and how we apply the lesson moving forward.

    I genuinely hope you’ll be able to find some inner peace and clarity! And don’t hesitate to ask strangers for their perspective, seriously. If you’re not clear about an aspect of what you’re going through, drop a post on one of the mental health boards, or relationship advice communities. And try to be honest about it with yourself first and foremost, give yourself some grace and compassion. Human life is a collective learning experience, literally not a single person who has ever lived on this planet has ever had it all figured out.

    Just don’t, y’know… like, doxx yourself, or something:)) And try to take everything with a grain of salt, actually think about how much sense one piece of advice makes when taken in the context of who you know yourself to be.


  • Yyyyyep. Spent about as much on a new bass guitar which barely drowns out my inner screaming, and less but still way too much on writing implements (handwriting has become a stimming action for me…) so that I can write that screaming down.

    Honestly, there can be no judgement at this point, this is about survival. I would happily overthrow Money, but one person with a brick is just a security issue at best…












  • I honestly think it’s one of the most organic lines in the game! I mean, sure, it would’ve been really cool to give her a Die Hard-esque quip or one-liner, but who among us doesn’t know that one friend who botched a line which could’ve sounded a lot cooler than it ended up?

    To me, it adds to the feeling of really getting to know the characters, it’s as though they open up enough to let their guard down even in terms of small details, like we’re really becoming friends.


  • latenightnoir@lemmy.worldtoMental Health@lemmy.worldIdk what to do
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    23 hours ago

    Fair enough, I’m sorry they are visceral enough to give you pause…

    In my case, I’ve found that focusing on specific metaphors has also helped me narrow down specific stressors from my waking life, kinda’ like adding more nuance to said overall feelings. But we even dream in different ways from one person to the next, so…

    Exactly like that, maybe I can lean into the metaphors more because I’ve always been artistically inclined, so I tend to think a lot in abstracts. Thank you for this rabbit hole (seriously)!

    And I can certainly relate to that sentiment… I’m feeling claustrophobic for the first time in my life and it’s entirely related to the state of the world…


  • I agree, dreams seem to be the subconscious’ way of trying to process emotionally charged situations from your waking life. But not having language, it can only process things through visual/narrative metaphors.

    May also help if you try to discuss your dreams, maybe some fresh eyes can offer new perspectives!


  • Welcome! I hear ya’, really…

    There’s a lot of us around here who can relate, to be honest, so you’re in the right place. I don’t know what I could say to lessen your loneliness, as I can barely figure mine out, but posting here every now and again has helped me in that regard.

    Keep posting, let it all out. Really. If nothing else, I promise you you will be seen by a lot of kind souls. And I’m sure others have a lot more pertinent things to add than I do.