Or they could just not bring back literally the most boring villain possible.

And I want to be very clear that I’m not saying the Emperor is the most boring villain in cinema history, even though he is. I’m saying he’s the most boring villain possible.

When he was introduced in the original trilogy he was a nameless old man in a robe. Defining characteristics? None. Voice? Evil. Face? Evil. Motivation? Evil. Outfit? Featureless robe, black because he’s evil.

The best part about The Last Jedi was that they were fixing the downgrade that RotJ made of replacing the most badass movie villain of all time with – I can’t stress this enough – the most boring villain possible. TLJ killed the Emperor stand-in and set Kylo Ren up as the real villain. That was exciting.

But then they let fan forums write the third movie, and somehow, the Emperor came back.

It’s hard to find the balance between letting the joke breathe versus making it too obvious. I’m not sure I hit that balance this time, but it seemed less funny any other way I could think to say it.

A self fulfilling prophecy, in a way.

That’s true.

With a T9 phone, I used to be able to send a complete text message without ever taking my eyes off the road.

Now that I’ve got a touchscreen I’m swerving all over the place every time I try to text. It’s way less safe.

Still the first scientific report, alphabetically.

To many of them!

🍻

Or just stop after the first sentence.

Have you tried saying, “Please don’t ask me that anymore”?

That will address the exact problem without being rude, without offending him, and without opening it up for more questions. You don’t owe him an explanation, so don’t leave an opening for one. Just say: “Please don’t ask me that anymore.”

If he asks why, you say, “Doesn’t matter. Please don’t ask me that anymore.”

If he offers an explanation for why he’s asking you that, you say, “Ok. Please don’t ask me that anymore.”

Neat and easy. No unintended consequences.

Obviously I don’t know what your finances are like, but is it possible she’s just enjoying herself and considers it a hobby? Comparing it to other games, $100/month can seem ridiculous, but comparing it to other hobbies, it might not be that bad.

I used to be unwilling to spend any amount on a mobile game until I thought about how much I used to spend playing Magic: the Gathering. Sometimes hobbies cost money.

Another nugget of wisdom from her: one time she asks me, cryptically, “What happens when the wind blows?”

It just sounds like such a profound question. So I’m wracking my brain to figure out where she’s going with this, and eventually I say, “I don’t know.”

“The cradle will rock.”

Of course.

whose cat is this

Fuck. I’ve gotten so used to it on reddit that I didn’t even notice it this time.

My daughter once asked me, “Do rainbows stop the rain?”

She was three and, in my opinion, very insightful. These rainbows keep showing up right about the time the rain stops. A little too convenient to be a coincidence, right?

My wife and I do the same, and the results have been great. An old friend of mine met my daughter for the first time when she was two and a half, and she just walked right up to him and says, “Hello. My name is _____. It’s very nice to meet you.”

When my current two-year-old is in a bad mood, we’ll ask him if he’s being a curmudgeon, and he’ll say “No, I’m not being a curmudgeon.” They speak in full sentences because my wife and I speak in full sentences. They use big words because we use big words.

On the other hand my daughter is five now and still thinks it’s pronounced “breafixt” instead of “breakfast”, and we don’t correct her because it’s adorable. So we still have fun with it.

I don’t think any of this means they’re geniuses or are guaranteed success later in life or anything. They’re probably both gifted, but that just means they’re a couple years ahead. A four-year-old who talks like a six-year-old is a great parlor trick, but a twenty-year-old talking like a twenty-two-year-old isn’t going to give them a big leg up. That’s why I like to get all my bragging in now.

The CEO would just be a fall guy, and the decision-making would go to someone else.

I think this all the time. I have trouble being in the moment, but my life right now is possibly the best it’ll ever be. So it’s important that I take the time to be grateful for how things are right now.

A few years back the GOP closed a bunch of polling places in blue areas. It’s flagrant voter suppression.

You skipped the part where Republicans closed polling locations in Democrat-leaning areas. The lines are intentional on election day.

I’m absolutely not joking. If you’re cooking it for less than 45 minutes, you’re not caramelizing the onions. Frequent stirring, adding water, whatever, you can get the color and texture of caramelization, but not the flavor.

I spent a couple of years making slightly disappointing meals because I was focused on the color and texture of my onions instead of the flavor. When I finally took the time to fully caramelize them again, I remembered what I had been missing.

Try it and taste the difference if you don’t believe me.