forget the hair, but the questions must be precise and well-formed :D

seriously (ish), if the hairdresser holds my hair 2cm away from the skin and asks if this length is ok, and their finger is like 2cm thick, i don’t know if they mean 2 or 4.

bonus points if they think that your connection is lagging

but that just opens the worrying space more: what if you turned the camera back on and there it was? isn’t it better to not know? 🙃

Oddly specific example, but I believe you.

who knows if it makes me look better or like a weirdo…

both. I’ve recently realized that during our 1on1 calls my boss is “looking at me”, which always made me feel more listened, overall better.

I mentioned that on a different, informal call, like, “are you using some tricks…” and he told us he’s doing no tricks, it’s just that the camera happens to be close enough to the screen where he places the call window, and that’s a laptop which is far enough that the angular difference is negligent. So that made him look better.

(And I think it’s even better than looking at the camera; he was kinda looking at both, me & the camera.)

But I suspect that this can bite back quickly if you’re in a meeting with several people and say, for a minute you (say, Alex) are exchanging ideas with one person, say, Bob while others (Cathy, Dan) are listening. The weird part is that in Bob, Cathy and Dan’s visual experience you’re directly looking at them, which will seem natural to Bob, but strange to to Cathy and Dan since they know you’re talking to Bob right now so why the heck you keep peeking at them for so long, as if you want them to jump in to the convo or something…

If the situation was similar as I’ve described for my boss (smaller screen, further away), then it can even be affected by the way Cathy and Dan’s videos are arranged on your screen. Not all are going to be closest to the camera, only the closest one to the camera could feel an eye contact, but that’s not going to change according to who you are talking to. (There could be some technology or call UI design to help with that…)

Overall, I think with some video-calling experience people will generally adapt for the situation over time, but it may differ individually…

From where their eyes are pointing I can only tell whether or not they’re looking at the camera, but if they are looking elsewhere, I have no way of knowing if that other place is my face or theirs or anything else (even outside scope of the talk – it could be a bug crawling on their desk for all I know).

Okay this is gonna be the last thing I say on this - a lot of the struggle that women today face comes from the idea that women only exist in relation to something or someone else, like children or a partner.

The thing is, in so many ways we all only exist in relation to each other. So you’re on to something, not necessarily exclusive to sex or gender, but yes that part is hard. And much worse because it also means that others are going to try and shape that relation and the power is barely ever balanced. It does help to realize that not all people are like that, but these things are really knowable, and everyone’s situation is unique.

Eg, your role is to start a family, wear makeup and take care of your appearance so that you are perceived as attractive and therefore valued

Honestly, that part is infuriating to me as well. and I hate what it does to women. My personal feelings about what makes a woman attractive / free are my own, but I find it somewhat offensive how boldly people make assumptions about it and even start to normalize or ostracize others for following standards.

Not sure if we can do about it in general, but I do appreciate people who don’t just bow down to the masses.

the work hasn’t been done to show this is the sole cause

sure but why is it relevant? OP isn’t saying that it is the sole cause.

careful with the straw, you might accidently build a straw man out of it :)

maybe I’m too much of an engineering brain, but I just want to cry when they put fingers in my hair and ask “about this long”?

Like, I know it’s not a rocket science but come on, that’s like 800% error bar.

Once, a lady had enough emotional intelligence to explain herself whether she meant “cut above the finger” or “leave below the finger”. I will never go to any other hairdresser (luckily she’s much younger than me so we could actually pull it off). I ain’t got time for these axe throwers.

that should be the price of two visits and two mirrors.

…and a few drops of your own blood, I assume, but nothing more.

you can just say “shorter than the top”.

does this mean anything, though?

I mean, could someone even possibly say “longer than the top” and be taken seriously?

(And no, no no, stop right there----don’t even think of reminding me that mullets exist.)

Basically a cigar butt with eyes, shut up it works for me.

I was not planning to comment (i am no better) but even if I was, this line pretty much disabled me for straight 5 minutes.

I’m a ROFLcopter now…

funny how lot of comments are saying “i also look at my face while other person is talking”

what I meant when I was writing this post: looking at my face while I was talking.

…on second thought, I’m not sure, I might as well just be looking at myself 100% time.

I just love looking at myself I think I’m great haha I also like to make sure that my facial expressions are matching my inside emotions …a lot of the time they are and I like the reassurance of that… I also like to practice facial expressions and then look at myself to make sure I’m executing them correctly. But mostly I just like my face and what it does haha

… -agen.

They say, 30 is the age where you have to decide which one you like more: tying your shoelaces or hamburgers.

I chose the latter.

Now I’m almost 44 and even undoing them feels too hard. 🙃

I thought those nursery rhymes were because of the cat.

gorilla slippers

Good dog, those things are freaking scary.

hoser has a new video on how Saudi Arabia is getting ready for that part.

relativity plays no role here

I still count that as learning.

I would not say “not believe too much in your efforts”, I think the tendency to simply scale down enthusiasm can be toxic in its own way.

I like to remind myself of how Václav Havel said it:

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.

Yes, being enthusiastic about false goals can lead to devastating results. Being hopeful by realizing that your work does make sense even if you won’t necessarily see results of it, that’s much more sustainable source of motivation.

Also, remember that no matter how it turns out you will learn something on the path. If anything, this is one of the “certain” parts.