I either have an exciting plan,
or when that fails, no plan (I resign).
Since the exciting plans usually fail, I end up living on autopilot.

I really struggle making things in life move. There’s too many simultaneous Big Tasks* whose logistics I need to keep track of that I can’t hold them all in my head at once (I can only focus on one Big Task at once). Especially when most tasks are timelines where you need to wait for responses, compose emails, search for things (there might be none – what then?) etc. and where you need to think about the order of the tasks in the timeline so that you save time. Not to forget remembering to notice if people haven’t replied to your e-mail and having to either remind them or come up with a Plan B (this usually leaves you stumped because you now can’t get the thing you started the whole journey for). There’s so many steps to keep track of and you can’t even write them down because the amount of steps keeps changing.

*Finding the next place to rent, booking a dentist for my hurting tooth, planning journeys (what is the Plan B if the journey is too expensive?)

The cluelessness and dread of having to come up with a Plan B is why I hate searching for things. Having to come up with a Plan B is so disorienting. And it’s the opposite of stimulating: you’ve put in a ton of effort and gotten nowhere. How do you all deal with it?

  • Azzu
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    2 months ago

    I simply stopped worrying and being fine with any result.

    Didn’t find the next place to rent? Guess I’ll have to keep living right here.

    Didn’t book an appointment for my hurting tooth? Guess I’ll have to go to the ER once it’s unbearable.

    Don’t have a plan B for the journey? Guess there’s just simply no journey if the first plan fails.

    Nothing in my life moves? Guess everything will stay still.

    Living on autopilot? Guess that’s how I live.

    And I’m actually absolutely fine with these results.

      • Azzu
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        2 months ago

        I think there is a difference between apathy and being fine with the results. I’m still sad if things go wrong, or happy when they go right. I still want things to go a certain way. I’m not indifferent.

        I just know that nothing will ever be perfect, so I don’t need to stress about if it isn’t.