I’m really convinced everyone in my life really sees me as a full time chore to take care of, I’m actually convinced at this point everyone in my life is a part of a coordinated phyop to keep me from killing myself, everyone has their own option about me but they agree to be outwardly nice. For thoose who don’t understand I’m a chronic emotional abuser, like I don’t outright threaten to kill myself but everyone around me knows I’m always on the verge to sucide. I’m legitimately a toxic horrible person that holds my friends hostage.
Wow, very well put.
OP: I’d like to recommend a book - “Your Erroneous Zones” by Wayne Dyer. Available on Amazon and used bookstores for a couple bucks. He essentially outlines how to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to alter our own mis-thinking, and to develop more effective communication.