When I tentatively suggested dropping out of uni, my parents laughed at the idea. Whenever they would teach me something, they would get offended if I did not succeed within a few tries. They always insist that I should just try harder, and get mad whenever I try to take a break.

Those in my writing group are nice, but would they still be if my writing was trash? If I showed up and wasted their time with garbage, if I deluded myself into thinking I was better than I am, or simply did not align with them politically?

I only got together with my study group because we figured that it would be a good constellation for studying and get a good semester project going without burning ourselves out in the process.

My brothers seem to lose respect for me whenever we do something together and I don’t live up to their expectations as the oldest.

When I do something with friends, they are either impressed at the speed at which I learn, or we do something they find as natural as breathing where I struggle. And then they wonder if there is something wrong with me.

And so I wonder: If I let myself be incompetent, would anybody care? Interfacing with the world is a choice I make, because I care too much about my parents and siblings to leave them and only live in the moment for myself. But if I one day woke up were no longer competent, would anybody care about me?

Hope this fit. Figured I would try a mental health post, as I imagine I am not the only one wondering about this.

  • EdanGrey@sh.itjust.works
    2·
    8 months ago

    You’ve grown up in a family that clearly always see what you don’t or can’t do (compared to them). You’ll never be good enough. Ignore them. They are not you. They have got under your skin so that you can only criticise yourself. Know that you are more than their undeserved opinions.

    You clearly have strengths, and your friends have strengths. Nobody is the same and the world would be a whole lot more boring if we were. I’m great with numbers but terrible at art. Does that mean I’m useless or incompetent? No… It just means I have to practice art more if I want to get better.

    You’re at a crossroads where you need to find yourself and recognise yourself amidst the opinions of others.