After crying basically every day for the last week I realised I’m not coping and that my partner has been letting me down, I have finally asked for more help. Looking after a baby basically by yourself 24 hours a day and being sleep deprived is hard.
I was trying to be the perfect mum, partner, housewife… I had this idea that if I did all the chores and cooking etc, partner would have more time to take baby when he’s home. Guess what he did instead? Play Zelda all day. Lol.
Well I’ve asked him to step it up. We have a sleep consultant coming to help with baby’s sleep. I’m going to hold MIL to her promise to come help out more. I’m considering trying to get baby into daycare earlier than we thought for a day a week so I can reclaim some sanity… we shall see.
Good on you for asking for help. I remember the early days when my husband would come home and say “I’ve worked all day. I’m tired. I need to relax” and I said to him “that’s fine. That’s understandable but when is it my time to relax because you’ve clocked off now when do I get to”. He thought about it for about 3 seconds and went “ah let’s work something out”. Sometimes we don’t realise what others are going through until it’s pointed out. Compromise and compassion is the key here.
Yes that’s exactly it. He works long and hard at a job he wants to leave so I totally get it. But I’ve had to really start articulating that I am up every 2-3 hours at night PLUS looking after baby all day. A baby who is much harder work than the sleepy little newborn he got to know on his parental leave! We are just in this awkward phase where baby has a lot more needs so the load is heavier and we haven’t quite figured out how to distribute it.
I only just discovered the other week that if I hold baby facing away from me (not towards me) he won’t scream bloody murder. Sometimes you gotta adapt and overcome.
LOL funny and random trick but hey if it works it works
I can only tell you how we did it but everyone has different needs. When my husband came home he had about a half an hour to detox then he took over baby duties. That gave me time to prepare dinner, go shopping, etc. When it was bath time I’d wash baby then he took over dressing her and feeding I then was able to wash and care for myself. On the weekends he took one day I took the other to get stuff done uninterrupted. Housework, self care, shopping whatever needed to be done. What we did is communicate what important things need to get done and everything else is flexible. Baby’s needs always comes first.
That is helpful, thank you for sharing! I have been considering proposing a full day each type system for the weekends. Right now it’s hodge podge and it ends up I’m still doing most of the work. He never says no if I ask him to take the baby but it’s annoying to even have to ask and not know when/if I’ll get my “me” time. Usually it ends up happening right at the end of the day when I’m too tired to then do anything I actually want to do.
That happens a lot. We get to the end of the day and we’re too exhausted to do anything else. I would advise to write a list of important things that need to be done so you don’t forget them. I did point out to my husband that he is a grown arse man who can feed and care for himself. My baby can not so my priority is for her. He then admitted that he would not want it any other way.
big hugs
and yes, we can’t rely on people reading our minds, if you want something you have to say it
It took me so long to learn this. My ex was just as passive aggressive and emotion driven as I am, so we were just in an echo chamber of passive-aggressiveness and expecting the other to read our minds. I made the effort to anticipate his needs but he never did the same for me.
It wasn’t until I got in a relationship with mr. Omoikiri that I realised how irrational that mindset is. Maybe it’s because he’s an engineer and very solutions-driven or maybe it’s because English is his second language and just didn’t pick up on the cues I was throwing out, but eventually he was like “this isn’t working. I can’t read your mind. We can’t address problems if you don’t tell me that there’s a problem.” It was like a slap in the face in the best possible way.
Sometimes it’s so frustrating and I just want him to instinctively know what I need because how can he not see it, but only we know what’s going on in our brains and emotions and only we can speak for them. So we need to because otherwise no one else will and you’ll just drown in it.
That last paragraph - yep!!! I was hinting like “I have no time to myself” and then being frustrated when things wouldn’t change enough. I don’t think the sleep deprivation has helped me with clear and rational communication haha.
Then I was like. Ok just ask more explicitly for what I need. I wish I could just have my needs anticipated and taken care of but such is life I suppose.
Well that all sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through it. First of all, avoid working towards perfection. Those Insta mums who sip a magic whilst doing some Dawn seaside yoga have help at home garanteed. Your job is to keep them alive, that should be the only goal.
Second of all, dads on every fucking nappy during the day! What he’s in leave and not doing anything? Bullshit. It’s his kid too!
I have to remind myself multiple times a day the other women I see have family, paid help, etc. It’s so hard! I’m a very driven person and I love looking after my baby but it’s also not intellectually stimulating at all haha. I need my projects!
Yeah it’s so weird because he was really good for ages. I didn’t have to ask for things. He would do things for me and look after me. Then it hit a point somewhere where I’m like, literally having to ask basic things like if he can please do the nappy change or take him so I can sleep in. And I think that’s why it got to a yuck place because I’ve also been confused as to why/how/when things changed. We still need to have a bigger talk about That.
I’m staying. I like it here.
5ivesos reporting for duty! Hadn’t checked r*ddit for a while and just saw a couple messages from regulars letting me know about this place, thanks @baconmash@aussie.zone and @Sir_ListerOfSmeg@aussie.zone !
I received the grade for the final assignment of my uni subject. I did good 😁
Hell yeah you did!! Well done!!
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Yay! Congratulations 👏
Aww yis! Good on ya Raven!
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Anti sads what a great name 😅
more of my selfish shite
my medication is a long chemical word,
typing it leads to typos, very absurd.
i know depression isn’t just sadness manifest
it’s much more than that, I surely can attest.
but for a short post, anti-sad works the best
i don’t have to describe how it fixes my mess.
but this SNRI levels out my emotions
so I can live life instead of drowning
in a trauma-oceangentle hugs, you’re not alone
Hey mate, look after yourself. You can get through this.
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I love that for you
edit: the better half bit, not the tanking and terrifying bit. sorry
Anti-sads is great. I call mine my happy pills. I have my mum get mine if I can’t. 💖💖💖
Thank you @the_procrastinata@aussie.zone for making this thread 🙂
Love ‘urgent’ emails at 3:30 with an ‘action by COB’ request.
Read through the chain of comms and it was sitting in someone’s inbox for over a week.
I’m tempted to reply with ‘Please see comments below’ and have the only comments as ‘It’s not’ next to their ‘urgent’ and ‘not gonna happen’ next to ‘action by COB’
SO TEMPTED
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I wish, but there’s too many important people involved. One day though…one day…
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Did you do it??
Nah, chickened out. Just didn’t reply at all
Just got in from work. It’s freezing at home - and by that I mean ice on the inside of the toilet window. Come on, ducted heating! Do your stuff! NB: dumplings in soup for dinner. Might even sneak in some veg into the soup. I have decided that the Massel Pho stock cubes are the best thing since button up sandshoes.
I’m in Emerald for a couple of days to finally decompress from the absolute bullshit of work of the last 12 months and ngl seeing the choo choo train go past will never get old. Makes it all feel like it’s gonna be OK 🚂🚃🚃
Did you wave to the little choo-choo?
Oh 100%! Thought it was illegal not to? 😂
It’s not illegal but it’s very much a social expectation, in the same way that commenting on the weather is the standard way to start a conversation with colleagues or that you don’t wear a skirt so short your bum cheeks show.
I like your Daily Thread title bye the way.
Chef kiss.
I love this! Emerald (and indeed that whole part of Vic) is a lovely place to be in, and having that ability to just be there in the moment during a point which sounds so stressful… that’s awesome.
It has been a long time coming! Very grateful that the weather is holding out, was half expecting to get out here and then be locked indoors by the rain, but it’s lovely.
Bloody love emerald! Are you staying at an airbnb? I’d love to do a night or 2 away up there.
I am! It’s a little rustic studio (cough cough someone’s reno’ed granny flat/shed) super close to town. There seemed to be heaps of options on Airbnb when I was looking. You definitely should! (no such thing as it being too early to teach TinyestBreak how to wave at a train right?)
We were there about 2 weeks before he was born and I said to the Mrs I’m super duper excited to take him on it when he is old enough!
Strange melancholy mood today. Started off by me pondering much better life would be if instead of having to be awake at a certain time, you got up when you felt like. Now I’m pondering existence.
Life might be better OR it might lead you to get into an unregulated sub and dive in the ocean, never to be seen again.
Still a better success rate than the Russian navy.
But Russia stronk, yes?
master strategist said Ukraine is no longer using its weapons! Russia has won!
That was me yesterday, but instead all I could think was how much life would be better working four days a week (without the reduction in pay). Just… all the things I could do AND NOT BE FUCKING TIRED ALL THE TIME. Shouldn’t be such a tough ask and yet here we are.
Yes, god yes!!!
I feel you. The thing that always sends me in an existential tailspin with work is the lack of freedom in when you get to wake up, when you get to eat and for how long etc. I hate it.
Yeah normally I don’t feel much, it just frustrates me. But today it’s got me on a mood.
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Whenever I see you good peeps recruiting on the OG dt I upvote you. ⬆️
Me too. The old thread seems busy, but dead at the same time.
Yeah. I reckon it’s because people who commented on the sub articles have nowhere else to go but the dt so there’s the angry ones, shit posters and the “carry on. Nothing’s going on” bunch. It seems odd.
It does feel like the grumpy club stayed, and the fun club came here. At least that’s what it feels like to me.
Glad I’m not the only one who feels that way. It seems to be like the entire vibe of the sub has been killed with all the shit that’s been going down recently. The usually angry people are still angry, a bunch of lurkers have come out of the woodwork whining about the sub. A couple of people who I thought were pretty chill seem to have turned angry too. It’s so divisive. Feels like some sort of American politics sub with the sheer amount of controversiality everything is getting every post/comment seems to be upvoted, then downvoted, then upoted once more
There’s nothing in there I want to comment on, that’s for sure. Dunno about you but my reddit app is glitchy af anyway.
A new app for Lemmy has been announced by Sync dev. (Sync is a Reddit 3P app for Android)
Made it to indo we’re in da area.
Bit wasted so was just having a durry and saying hello to every one who walked in out the front with my new security man fren.
was a big day. with some delay.
I follow a few art and craft type areas on various sites, and find it disturbing how much content now is basically just performance art. It’s created to look like an interesting process for people to watch rather than because it actually creates something worthwhile, and it is way too simplistic to be instructional. Sometimes it feels like no one is actually living life any more, they are just watching it or creating content for other people to watch. I really like being able to share in things other people are making and doing, but real content is getting pushed out by this made-for-clicks stuff and its really disapointing.
I feel that. Similarly, every time I see footage of a concert or sporting event, people are just… watching their phones as they film it, rather than enjoying the moment. I find it pretty depressing, and quite surreal.
I will admit I like watching people knit (I’m a knitter myself) because it’s very short of… Relaxing almost. Even crochet content too weirdly enough. But I imagine it’s a different story for those who are creating drawings or something else. But I also don’t delve deep into knitting/crochet content except for the few youtubers I watch.
Crawl into a nice warm bed, Mrs and baby asleep, just about to turn the light off when suddenly there’s a giant wet fart and the baby is screaming, cats are bolting off the bed and it’s on for young and old. This is why I’m getting grey hairs!
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Heheheh 🤣
