So I’m not sure how to define my sexuality. I only care because I have a hard time explaining it to others (men mostly women don’t care).
Basically about 2 years ago I came out as bisexual (50/50 attraction). I had a lot of sexual trauma and resolved it in therapy. I had a whore phase to explore myself, but I honestly don’t enjoy sex that much. I maybe cum 1-2/10 times, so mostly it’s been about pleasing my partners.
A couple months ago, I basically stopped dating because I kinda don’t care to. I find I get much more out of dance and hobbies. I still get horny, but after masturbating, I am back to not caring.
Sex just sounds remarkably unrewarding and too much effort. I like connecting with people, but dancing with someone is way less complicated than arranging sex for the same reward. Friends annoy me sometimes because they assume I’m just not having success.
Is this asexuality? I still sometimes like sex, just very rarely.
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This link really helped me understand myself, and I hope you’ll get some mileage out of it too.
I would say that what you describe falls in the spectrum, but no one can decide whether you’re asexual but yourself. As pointed out, a label is just a tool to better understand yourself and find people that somewhat can relate to your experience.
Asexual people can experience libido (sex-drive) or not, aesthetic attraction, can masturbate or not, engage in sexual activities for a number of reasons (feeling close to someone, pleasing someone, etc.), etc.
What really helped me was to listen to other ace people experiences. You can find a bunch of resources online, for a starter I really like the “free from desire” podcast, which touch on a number of the things you describe in your post.
Best of luck in your self-introspection, whether or not you decide that the label is for you you’ll have come out the other way with a better understanding of yourself :) .
Also take care, do not put too much pressure on yourself, and please don’t let other define your relationship to your sexuality for you.
Not sure if Id call you asexual since you still have potential for a sexual relationship in the right circumstances. I would say demisexual maybe
Demisexual still falls under the asexual spectrum, just as an fyi.
Thanks did not know
I am no expert in all the nuances, but I second your opinion that the description seems to match demisexual.
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Demisexual would fit perfectly if “deep emotional connection” were replaced with “the right energy”. I don’t need a deep connection in the traditional sense, but I need a very particular energy which is rare.
The last person (woman) I had this with could barely understand me when I spoke (different English accents). We danced and I felt a strong connection. Ultimately it’s emotions, but it was like we move and breathe the same. Like our bodies flow together and connect. We only danced and kissed, but I’d rather dance with her than fuck some beautiful person who I didn’t have that with.
So maybe a deep emotional connection, so long as “emotional” includes a wide variety of emotions.
I like sex well enough and I have a very high sex drive, it’s just hasn’t worth the effort so I don’t pursue relationships. I wouldn’t classify myself as asexual. If I magically found myself in a relationship with someone I was compatible with I would pursue that. The problem is finding that person. I’m not sure what that is considered.
